Did my Laptop make me Anorexic?

This is a strange question i have been asking myself for a very long time...but i seriously think maybe if it didn't cause my problem, it definatly sped up the process!
I got my laptop on my 16th birthday, and was addicted from the beginning! I loved the fact i had access to the whole world on my own little device in my own room, :D i also got the sims 3 game with it and got stupidly addicted for a few weeks (yes a bit sad i know lol) but during that time i ate without thinking (the way you do in front of the TV) And was always snacking on birthday chocolates, and soon became quite unhappy with my weight - i wasn't fat, no way near actually, just not rock chick, kate moss, gorgeous sexy thin.
I innocently started researching how to loose a bit of weight, healthy lunch ideas, good excercise tips etc, which was helpful! But then i realised i could get the calorie count for practically EVEYTHING on the internet, and started to become a bit obsessive about my intake.
I would look a models, cakes, chocolate and pizza on google images - you know theres something wrong when your flicking through the 'food porn' page for hours, basically if your looking at stuff that even you know is a bit odd to look at then you know theres a problem!
Now i would be sceptical about the internet 'making me worse' but i went away to scotland for 2 weeks without ANY internet access, and honestly, i ate like a normal person again....no fear or worries (i mean i had a few moments) but just eating a good, normal amount when i was hungry and the occasional treat was fine by me! But as soon as i go my internet back again i got obsessive again :-/ maybe all his technology isn't so good for us after all?
If you have any comments or views on the subject just post in the box below :) x

Olive Oil...

- Olive oil is one of the most beneficial dietary fats one can consume. It's a monounsaturated "heart-healthy" fat and can actually reduce cholesterol levels in your body.

- Light olive oil should be used when a very subtle flavour is sought; the "light" refers to colour and taste, not fat. Extra-virgin oil enriches the taste of meat, fish and vegetables. Pure olive oil is best for salad dressings, sauteed vegetables or tossed pasta.

- A new study conducted by researchers from Northwestern University and the Monell Chemical Senses Center has found that a naturally occurring compound found in extra virgin olive oil beneficially alters the structure of neurotoxic proteins believed to contribute to the debilitating effects of Alzheimer's.

-Olive oil has been reported to reduce the risks of certain cancers including skin, breast, ovarian, colon and prostate due to the monounsaturated fatty acid, oleic acid.

-Olive oil can be used to heal dry skin and its antioxidant properties have been reported to fight the signs of age.

Diet Drinks Experiment

I used to use coke zero and fanta zero to make myself feel 'full' and try to trick my body into not feeling hungry, eventhough they made me feel and look veeeery bloated! But their worse for you than you think...
They contain aspartame, which is a sweetener that has had a lot of controversy about it, some say it can even cause cancer! All i know is that it gave me bad headaches and sometimes if i had too much i really felt like i had the flu or something! And apparently, the sweeteners in these drinks can cause you to crave sugar even more :-/ I mean, it's okay to have one every so often, but i mean i was having one or two everyday, which isn't exactly reccomended!
They also contain a lot of chemicals, (how do you think they make 0 calories taste so good?!) which can damage your bones and teeth by making them brittle, which is thevery LAST thing you need when your suffering from anorexia!!
I did a little experiment, and cut out diet coke all together for 2 weeks so far, and honestly my tummy is flatter, A LOT flatter, i feel less groggy, i can feel when by body is properly hungry and so i dont undereat or overeat anymore! And i haven't craved anything sugary for ages, so in my opinion, cut out the diet drinks!! It might do you some more good than you think!

Question's Answered...

http://www.bulimia.com/client/client_pages/newsletteredt3.cfm
I found this page recently, and it answered so many of my questions about weight gain after an eating disorder, i think it was very helpful because it made me see what was normal and what wasnt! hope it helps xxxx

Photoshop - It's how they really look perfect.

I am getting a bit sick of reading which celebrity is on which diet and how it make's her feel great, and she excercises for 14 hours a day blah blah blah - when it comes down to it, they have make up and hair assistants on hand almost all the time, get free designer clothes and make-up and don't forget....nearly all their glossy magazine shots are photoshopped. I have to admit, i looked at celebritys and envied their curvy figures and flat stomach's, but i have realised surgery and photoshopping makes a huge difference, if we all had that, we would look just as incredible! Here's an example that shows EXACTLY what i'm talking about!
 < She's gorgeous in the pictureon the left! why change it? because it makes them seem practically perfect and 'better' in some distorted way. I don't blame the media for my anorexia by all means, but it damn well didn't help!

MY CHALLENGE!!

 I admit i didnt just struggle with anorexia, i did binge a few times, and used exercise as a way of dealing with my binges. :-/ so i think with the whole binging history, it can be even more difficult to recover. SOOO i set myself a challenge....i bought a full pack of cadburys roses - yes i mean the big one! So my challenge was to see if i have overcome my restrictive behaviour AND my binging behaviour - hard to measure but how do you think i did?
Okay, good thing no.1 - i opened the box and for the first time in a while felt relaxed around chocolate.
Good thing no.2 - i carefully looked on the back and THOUGHT about it, instead of grabbing them all and shoving them in my mouth.
Good thing no.3 - i chose the one i actually wanted, since i didn't intend to have them all!
Good thing no.4 - chose wisely ;) haha (a big purple one with caramel and a hazelnut cased inside) yum!
Good thing no.5 - i ate 6 WHOLE CHOCOLATES :D felt a bit sick afterwards to be honest aha - but enjoyed my new found freedom all the same :)
Are you ready to take a challenge?.....

Fattest Teen in Britain Turns Anorexic

This story on the mail online made me feel really sad, it goes to show that ED's can affect anyone and everyone...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2000625/Malissa-Joness-gastric-band-op-caused-new-nightmare.html

Calories to be printed on restaurant menus

I saw this article a few weeks back, and not sure how i feel aboutit to be honest :-/ i think in a way its good because it may make people think more about what their eating and help them make healthier choices, but to be honest i dont think they can get every single dish exactly to the calorie content they claim it contains, it can depend on how much sauce the put on, how big a steak is etc, so for one thing, i don't think it will be very accurate...but i personally don't like the idea for me because i am trying very hard to NOT think about calories! these days i try really hard to chose dishes i will enjoy, not just get the smallest salad on the menu!! If you have any thoughts or views on this idea, just write up a quick comment below!! :) xxx heres the link to the article i read >   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315302/UK-restaurants-asked-print-calories-menus-combat-unhealthy-eating.html

Favourite Childhood Film?

What's yours? I think mine are, Tarzan, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Aladdin,Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory (old version of course!) The Lion King and Dracula....yeah i was an odd little kid lol.
I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory because it was on T.V the other day, and it made me remember a time when i was fine with eating popcorn when watching a film, just watched and mindlessly munched away!! I loved that i could do that, i know it may never be that way again, but you can always dream!
I realsied how 'safe' watching these films make me feel, they also make me feel kind of sad, because i can remember a happier time, which has sort of passed i guessed, but thats a part of growing up. I think no matter what happens you will soon have worries and troubles, life is so easy when your little. And although i can't go back in time and be that care-free little girl anymore, i can always sit down and escape the world in willy wonka's chocolate factory or inTransylvania with keanu reeves! ;)
Take a day off, turn off your phone and computer and watch your childhood favorite - popcorn optional. Have a good week :) be happy!! xxxxxxxxx

Like mother like daughter?

Okay, so i loooovve my mum, shes lovely, warm, kind...but also a little bit fat :-/ i mean, she loves her biscuits and buttery snacks, i feel HORRIBLE saying this, but i remember looking at her when i was at my highest (pretty damn normal) weight, and thinking, god i hope i dont look like that...ever!
I think it's true that a girl inherits her mothers general body shape, aka - big boobs, pear shape, big bum. And unluckily for me, my mums an apple shape grrr!! But i do A LOT of stomach excercises to try and avoid it, but it does seem to be the place i put weight on :(
But don't fear!! lol, keep in mind that different excercises can make a huge difference...i know my friend feels really self concious about her bum because her mum has a rather large derriere ;) and she told me she didnt want o look the same, 4 weeks worth of squats later, the girl had a butt like j-lo haha!
< destined to have the same body? Lindsay Lohan and her mum
here is an interesting site, considering the connesction between weight, mothers and daughters!...
http://www.webmd.com/skin-beauty/features/the-mother-daughter-weight-connection

Exams!!

Anorexia and other eating disorders can affect people of every age, sex and race...but it seems to mainly be teenage girls that develop it, and during this time most of the are going through exams, such as GCSE's or A levels, and i was just thinking today that i was so annoyed with my first a level results i got from my january exams, i though i would have done better than i actually did, but then it occured to me, maybe it was down to me not eating, i vaguely remember always being tired and un-interested in lessons and never really listening because all i thought about was food....made me so angry with myself, how dare i mess up my own future by not eating! Yet another reason i came up with for striving to recover..
If your reading this, and you too have exams or important work that needs real thought and concerntration to get done, make sure you are giving your body everything it needs to support that! Think oily fish (salmon) and lots and lots and LOTS of water, and just ensure your getting enough calories through out the weeks leading upto your exams - thank me in your nobel prize speech ;) oh and good luck if you do have exams REVISE!! ;) xxxx
< eat well and revise - just like ralph ;)

Julie & Julia - Le Film ;)

So i have just watched the lovely film Julie & Julia, a foodie film based on the ledgendary cook Julia Childs. It is about a woman in her late 20's who feels like she has finised nothing in her life and wants to do something, anything! So she decides to start a blog (yay! :D lol) and aims to do every single recipe in Julia Childs cook book in 365 days, and yes theres about 500-600 recipes!! The film also flips to an earlier time when Julia Child is living the dream in Paris, and learing to cook but also aiming to get her 'french cooking for americans' book published, with the help of her charming husband (the fab gay guy from the devil wears prada)
This was a heart-warming film about how food seems to save people in so many ways, and bring so much fun and spark into their lives...i thought it would be good for all those in recovery to watch because again it sends out that important message that food is safe, and brings people together...it also highlights that an obsession with it can make you a recluse and you have to find the right balance, a passion for food is good, if you want to be a chef in particular...but an obsession is just plain mental haha
Plus it's really funny and light hearted, and has incredible performances by amy adams and meyrl streep :) it's a must see in my eyes!! If you watch it tell me what you think! I love hearing from all of you :) xxxxx

Have a family day out

Have you noticed your relationship with your friends and family getting worse and worse as your eating disorder gets worse? I realised i was shutting everybody out and secluding myself more and more, because having a social life meant having to eat. It's so sad that i chose the wrong option all the time.
Ever since starting recovery i have become so much closer to all the people i love again :) i don't feel tense about having to go to my dads house anymore and now always look forward to it, but before i used to feel genuine fear because he always cooks heavy carb/fat loaded meals, now i have seconds! ;)
I love going on family days out now too :) on sundays i really enjoy going for walks with my funny little brothers and my family then go for a good ol' pub lunch afterwards...i have realised its so much easier to cope with recovery when you realise what actually important in life and you try to enjoy all the normal activitys that all your family do with ease, such as eating well!!
Maybe try suggesting a nice day out to a nice village, or shopping centre or even the beach! (not if you live where i live though, too cold lol)
Give it a go, it might give you that realisation it gave me, and bring you and your family back together :) xxxx

Peppermint Tea :)

Don't know about you, but i have struggled with bloating for a loooong time haha, i never used to have it, but when i started eating low fat EVERYTHING, i looked really bloated all the time.
Ever since i have started eating fats again, my stomach has actually looked a lot flatter, blooming irony haha, but i still eat a ton of fruit and vegetables because eventhough i want to gain, i want to be healthy and get my 5 a day too! but eating lots of thesefoods can also make you look and feel very bloated, but worry not, i have found the answer!!
good ol' peppermint tea :) it settles the stomach and helps with bloating, hope this helps some other poor puffy stomach out there! haha have a lovely week everyone xxx

Seeing everything with new eyes...

Ever since January my relationship with food has been good. Good for a recovering anorexic anyway :-/ I feel like i have gone through 3 stages in my life with food, the first was i just eat what i want, when i want without thinking about it, the second was don't eat anything. It will make you fat, but now i think i have developed the best relationship with food than i have ever had, now i eat well, nothings 'off limits' but don't binge eat either, i eat when i'm hungry and eat what i'm given, but more importantly, i enjoy food now and appriciate it, because i know what it's like to deprive myself of it.
I always said to myself, 'I wish i could just go back to how i was before, when i just didn't care.' I still feel like that occasionally, because sometimes i do struggle when faced with an extremly high calorie dish, but actually i didn't enjoy food that much before, i just ate it because it was there, now i feel happier with who i am and my approach to everything.
It's just like that saying, things have to get worse before they get better, anorexia being my worst possible low, and recovery being the ultimate high!

Another DELICIOUS breakfast idea!! :D

My mum came back from ASDA with some special K sustain cereal, because she said the other ones were out of stock, but turns out its gorgeous!! 1g of fat per 45g serving which isn't enough for me anymore! so i mixed it with natural yogurt, flaked almonds and a little natural honey...honestly had a mouthgasm lol!! really worth trying, remember you need to start seeing food as enjoyable again!! Its so much easier to make a good relationship with food again when you really enjoy it!!! (might try with some chopped banana next time too?? mmmm yumm!!!)
< my new favourite haha

Go Sushi!!

I had sushi for lunch yesterday :) NOM!! lol...i had about 10 pieces or so overall and was STUFFED. It gave me an idea for todays post!! It was the first time in a while where i felt like i hadn't eaten much but got full quickly!
Sushi is a grrreeat healthy option, especially the ones topped with a slice of salmon or prawn, yum yum! hey the soy sauce has a lot of sodium but what the hell its yummy!
I think sushi is a great option if you want to try new foods, but can't face huge mac'n'cheese type meals yet...it's a groovy way to ease yourself in and might kindle your relationship with food back again! have fun, and don't listen to your mother PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!! (especially if you can't use chopsticks ;) lol)

Books

Ever since i was little,i have always loved reading and writing, reading a book is amazing to me, it means you can escape from the rest of the world and ignore any problems you may have been having that day and just discover a new way of thinking. I love that, when you finish a book and then feel like you have learned something from it :) heres some of my favourites...
The Messenger - Markus Zusak, funny fast paced thriller about a guy unlucky in love and life, turns out anyone can make a difference.
Play Dead - Harlan Coben, another thriller!! about gorgeous supermodel who's husband goes missing, but so much more than that reeeaally going on!! :)

ahhh Harry Potter books!! by J. K. Rowling :) what better way to escape the world than by taking a visit to hogwarts?

Girls Under Pressue - Jacqueline Wilson , classic (for me lol) about ellie, who feels too fat so starts dieting like crazy and you follow her real and disruptive journey, but dont worry has a happy ending!!

Comfort Foods?

Heyy :) i realised something funny today, i never panic about having pudding at college? Everytime dessert is mentioned at home, calorie counting goes TING in my head, but at college i'm like, 'awrh come ooon, that's a tiny slice!!' hehe ;) i think because i have NO IDEA how many calories are in them, they brighten up my looong days at college, and their flipping delicious!! lol i don't struggle eating them? It made me think that maybe we all have foods that aren't low in fat or calories, but we find them easier to eat than others? For example, i still hate eating chocolate, really aggrivates me :/ working on that!! My advice is eat what you like, then you will find it easier, and won't regret it!
If you do have a certain food that isn't low calorie that you feel comfortable eating, maybe try and eat more of that food? might ease you in :) my comfort foods that i just DON'T CARE what the calorie content are...

School Puddings! lol
Stir frys - (peanuts are a good addition for texture, flavour and GOOD fats)
Beef Stew - mum makes the BEST ONE EVER lol
Greek food - such as chicken soulvlaki, greek salad, pita bread, tzatziki etc xxx

Vitamin Supplements

I take a multi vitamin everyday, and i also take iron tablets because my iron count is low down to how much ideprived myself before :-/ but it's going up :D lol
anyway, my post today is about taking vitamin supplements, yes i think it's a good idea, and it's wonderful for helping you with your recovery becauseyour body really really needs all those nutrients! However, to actually absorb all these vitamins you must must MUST eat a varied diet. And also one with good amounts of calories and fats in it, otherwise the vitamins simply won't be absorbed and won't make a difference i'm afraid :(
I have noticed my skin and hair has drastically improved, i think it's down to eating right and well, plus taking my good ol' multivitamin everyday!! lol have a lovely weekend everyone :) hopefully it's sunnier where you are than where i am...sigh have to get my vitamin D from a pill and not the sun :( xxxx