Take out panic!!

I wondered today if i will ever get over that horrible panic when my mum says were having take away or pizza tonight - my heart starts racing and i'm not sure what to do to get out of it, then i remember i can eat take out, i WILL enjoy it and i WILL only eat until i'm full, no binging. So i am having indian takeaway tonight - (this one used to scare me the most, so oily!) here are a few 'safe' options i always choose for take aways....
Indian- tandoori chicken, tandoori prawns or vegetable balti, dhal and chickpea based dishes with boiled rice and NO naan

Chinese - chicken and sweetcorn soup, king prawn with ginger, vegetable soft noodle, avoid egg fried rice and prawn crackers

pizza - thin crust, extra veggie toppings, or plain with black olives (i also love anchovys but i don't think anyone else does! ;)

Fish and Chips - okay sorry, no avoiding anything in this! lol best option is attempting to take as much batter of the lovely cod fillet as you can and just enjoy the chips!

Tryand avoid creamy based dishes and those 'little extras' like naan bread and garlic bread - thats where a lot of the un needed calories come from,

these are just some tips to help you through having a take away and being able to enjoy it knowing you have picked one of the best options!

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Mousse!

I'm not sure if i have mentioned this already, but i actually suffered from orthorexia before full blown anorexia, which meant i had a huge fear of ANYTHING 'bad' like cake and chocolate, then as the anorexia took over pretty much all food was 'bad' apart from fruit :-/ so when a lovely friend of mine gave me this recipe i was thrilled at how delcious and healthy it was :) I swear its just like REAL chocolate mousse!! But creamier ;) it's stunning i can'tthank her enough for sharing it with me!
you will need...
1 avacado - ripe (don't be scared, its full of good fats!)
1 mango - ripe and juicy
4 teaspoons of cocoa powder
(you can also add your own form of sweetner if you like it a little more sweet, aka honey or sugar - i used sugarfree vanilla syrup :)
then chop into small peices and blend into a food processor until the mixture is smooth and creamy
ENJOY!
Thanks again to my friend for the recipe, she is an inspiration to us all, plus she got me eating avacado again bless hr XD lol much love xxxxx

Cherrie's Body Dilemmas - BBC Three

I don't know if anyone else has beeen watching this small series, but i love the presenter of this show, i think she's so funny, but Cherrie basically goes around the UK and talks about issues that seem to affect us all and how it can vary depending on the area and the person, she has done a few episodes, one was on motherhood and the most recent which i was interested in was the body dilemmas episode.
Amazingly the program didn't talk much at all about anorexia or eating disorders, although it did mention that women these days do seem to have much more of a calorie obsession that they used to, i found this program incredibly uplifting because she met up with girls who want to be bigger and are much happier that wa because they are accepting themselves, there was this gorgeous, funny girl who created this fashion blog for bigger girls and saidthe most incredible thing ever....

'This is my body, not theirs.' - Makes complete sense dosent it?! It is so stupidly clear to me now, i can't envy models because my body is not their body, all you need is to be happy with your own body and trust me, to be happy the best thing to do is make sure your healthy, being underweight and mal-nourished does not equal happiness!!

Here is a link to a general summary of the show, i think you can still watch it on BBC iPlayer because it was on recently, but depending on when you read this post that ay not be the case anymore lol!
 http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/bbcthree/2011/08/body.shtml
 < plus cherrie's baby coco is GORGEOUS!! Beyond cute haha - enjoy the show! x

Scented Candles - appetite suppressant? Experiment!

Anyone who knows me really well knows i LOVE incense sticks, scented candles, oil burners, relaxing music, dreamcatchers the whole hippie sha-bang!! lol well i bought a new candle today, switched to 'citronella' from my usual vanilla. And i honestly think it could have appetite suppressing qualitys?! I don't seem to feel hungry at all in my room, but when i went to the bathroom the room smelt different and i felt hungry, i went back into my room and the overpowering lemony smell seemed to suppress my appetite instantly!? I am not promoting this AT ALL but hey it's kinda cool ;) haha xxx anyone else LOVE burning candles? what's your favourite smelling candle, care to share in the comment box below, i would be very gratefullll!!! xxxxxxxxxx

Sardines - healthy heart food

My favourite food is fish. Shellfish, smoked salmon, smoked haddock, cod, sardines you name it and i love it! So for lunch the other day i cooked up a little something all fish lovers would like, its a very salty and savoury dish, and hey salts not good for you but dang it makes food taste sooo guurd!! anyone else like salt and plain pasta? lol well i found a tin od sardines in the cupboard the other day and decided to make my own little pasta sauce :) i used....
1 mini pot of salsa as the base (honestly i do this a lot its genuis haha)
1/2 a tin of sardines in brine
chopped aubergine (eggplant) about 50grams
1/4 of a small white onion
handful of capers (or green olives - if you don't like the taste you can leave them out, i have only just got used to them!)
thyme (2 tsp)
0regano (2 tsp)
salt and pepper to taste (i love pepper)
dry pasta (i used fusilli pasta)
put the pasta in a pan with water and let it come to a boil, then bring down the heat and let it cook for as long as te instructions say, -(usually 10-12 minutes for small pasta)
cook the thickly chopped aubergine in boiling water first to soften it a bit then drain of all the water and put it in a saucepan with the other ingredients and just let it cook/simmer on a low heat for about 10-15 minutes! and voila! you have a spicy healthy pasta sauce that brightens up any ol' lnchtime!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/debbieharryxxx/6056110738/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Personal Update

Helloo all :) firstly want to say thank you to anyone who follows or even glances at this blog, i didn't expect ANYONE to look or pay attention to it lol, but the stats show that different people from all over the world are looking :D obviousily not good that so many are having eating disorders, but hopefully everyone looking is at least considering recovery?
Anyway, i have had a lot of support from so many of you, and it makes me feel so much stronger knowing you lot are backing me! :) I have gained more weight, but i actually don't know how much because i have made the descision to not weigh myself...it's not about that for me anymore, i will feel upset if the scales evidently go up, but thats because society has drummed it into our brains that gaining weight is ALWAYS a bad thing, but for me it's really not. By doing this i feel much more comfortable in my own skin, and helps me concerntrate on the mental side of things, which is muchmore important to deal with.
I have beaten so many of my own little 'rules' and i get 'better' everyday, eg- used to limit myself to 2 peices of fruit a day, now it's as many as i like, i now drink fruit juice and chocolate is finally back on the menu :)
I just hope that anyone considering/starting/goin through recovery knows that there is a way out of this, i swear recovery is like a tunnel, it looks so dark and long but once you start and get going the light at the end gets bigger and bigger....soon you will walk into it, just takes a little time and dedication xxxxxx

Low Calories, Low Nutrition?

I read an interesting article recently that i actually personally cannot relate to. It was all about teenage girls who try to lose weight by cutting the calorie intake, but sacrificing their health. eg - they will eat a bar of chocolate but skip lunch because it will add to their calorie intake...(can i just say if you do that, your body will hold on to the fat instantly and it will be much harder to lose weight) my own form of anorexia meant i didn't allow myself ANY chocolate, cake, sweets or anything tha wasn't fruit or in my view 'healthy' for about 7 months...so are you one of these girls who are depriving your body of fruit and veg to cut the calories? well let me tells ya, your waistline will NOT be happy with you in a few years, yes its less fun filling up on bananas, but if you want to lose weight in a healthy, happy way and KEEP it off, theres no other way i'm afraid xxxx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2012803/Teenage-girls-junk-food-diet-leaves-starved-vitamins.html

Chickpeas - My new superfood!

I love these things :) plus they are a delicious source of protein! My favourite type of food is greek, i love stuffed vine leaves, mousakka, grilled halloumi and anything with feta cheese!
Chickpea's are commonly used in greek and moroccan foods, and are brilliant for vegetarians! Beacuse they help make a healthy, substantial meal! They are very filling, trust me! My favourite dishes with chickpeas are...
falafel - basically ALL chickpea! Plus spices, onion and parsley. But basically chickpeas smooshed together and lightley fried, now i know what your thinking FRIED?! I hate fried food to be honest, but i drain my falafel with kitchen towels when i have made them, in fact i'm making them tonight for dinner!

Falafel burgers < - i always prefer them to burgers?!

My second favourite use for these little gems is when my mum uses them in her gorgeous morroccan lamb stews :) yumm! She uses spices like cinnamon and paprika and adds chickpeas last minute for a little more depth and texture

< Morroccan Stew - Can anyone spot the chikpeas? ;) I counted 3 lol

Chickpeas are also a great addition to salads, and i like them with cous cous or grilled veggies such as aubergine (eggplant)

< red onion, tomato's and corriander are amazing with chickpeas as a side salad

Chickpeas nutritional value per 100g - 164 calories and 2.59g of fat

Eat up!

American Pie :)

Helloo everyone! I have arrived back from America! Still very jet lagged so if i spell stuff wrong or sound odd sorry! haha - i had an INCREDIBLE time, and feel like i have learned a lot about myself and the trip put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. I went with my mum and my sister (girly road trip!) and discovered we get on better than i thought, of course we argued a bit but most of the time we were always laughing and enjoying ourselves :)
I was so worried about my mum before we went, i was scared she was going to force taco bell down my throat and shout at me if i didnt want to eat something, it's so weird i still panic at the thought of fast food, but actually when it's in front of me, i'm fine with eating it and don't feel too bad afterwards, chocolate is the ONLY thing i still struggle with now, no baby ruths or hershy's for me! My mum was so good to me though, she always asked where i wanted to go and always made sure i was comfortable with the menu, but I ate well on holiday, and chose dishes in resturaunts that i WANTED and didn't even consider the calorie/fat amount in them. The best thing i had was this baked chicken covered in tomato cream sauce and tonnes of sharp cheddar on top of lemon risotto - not for the calorie concious AT ALL but worth it :)
I don't see myself as too thin anymore, but apparently everyone else does, i was suprised that in america i actually saw none of those stick thin girls in LA or anywhere, i didn't see many HUGE people either, i think my mind might have been ready for the sterotype! A lot of people commented on how scrawny i was, so i guess my mind still must be playing tricks on me.
I have learned so much about myself and my family on this trip, and i have again realised that food is important for life and enjoyment, you should take care of yourself and your body, but when the obsession with breakfast,lunch and dinner, chocolate and snacks seem to take over your life and your mind, you know you need to change, and start living again
long live the U.S.A! xxxx

Did my Laptop make me Anorexic?

This is a strange question i have been asking myself for a very long time...but i seriously think maybe if it didn't cause my problem, it definatly sped up the process!
I got my laptop on my 16th birthday, and was addicted from the beginning! I loved the fact i had access to the whole world on my own little device in my own room, :D i also got the sims 3 game with it and got stupidly addicted for a few weeks (yes a bit sad i know lol) but during that time i ate without thinking (the way you do in front of the TV) And was always snacking on birthday chocolates, and soon became quite unhappy with my weight - i wasn't fat, no way near actually, just not rock chick, kate moss, gorgeous sexy thin.
I innocently started researching how to loose a bit of weight, healthy lunch ideas, good excercise tips etc, which was helpful! But then i realised i could get the calorie count for practically EVEYTHING on the internet, and started to become a bit obsessive about my intake.
I would look a models, cakes, chocolate and pizza on google images - you know theres something wrong when your flicking through the 'food porn' page for hours, basically if your looking at stuff that even you know is a bit odd to look at then you know theres a problem!
Now i would be sceptical about the internet 'making me worse' but i went away to scotland for 2 weeks without ANY internet access, and honestly, i ate like a normal person again....no fear or worries (i mean i had a few moments) but just eating a good, normal amount when i was hungry and the occasional treat was fine by me! But as soon as i go my internet back again i got obsessive again :-/ maybe all his technology isn't so good for us after all?
If you have any comments or views on the subject just post in the box below :) x

Olive Oil...

- Olive oil is one of the most beneficial dietary fats one can consume. It's a monounsaturated "heart-healthy" fat and can actually reduce cholesterol levels in your body.

- Light olive oil should be used when a very subtle flavour is sought; the "light" refers to colour and taste, not fat. Extra-virgin oil enriches the taste of meat, fish and vegetables. Pure olive oil is best for salad dressings, sauteed vegetables or tossed pasta.

- A new study conducted by researchers from Northwestern University and the Monell Chemical Senses Center has found that a naturally occurring compound found in extra virgin olive oil beneficially alters the structure of neurotoxic proteins believed to contribute to the debilitating effects of Alzheimer's.

-Olive oil has been reported to reduce the risks of certain cancers including skin, breast, ovarian, colon and prostate due to the monounsaturated fatty acid, oleic acid.

-Olive oil can be used to heal dry skin and its antioxidant properties have been reported to fight the signs of age.

Diet Drinks Experiment

I used to use coke zero and fanta zero to make myself feel 'full' and try to trick my body into not feeling hungry, eventhough they made me feel and look veeeery bloated! But their worse for you than you think...
They contain aspartame, which is a sweetener that has had a lot of controversy about it, some say it can even cause cancer! All i know is that it gave me bad headaches and sometimes if i had too much i really felt like i had the flu or something! And apparently, the sweeteners in these drinks can cause you to crave sugar even more :-/ I mean, it's okay to have one every so often, but i mean i was having one or two everyday, which isn't exactly reccomended!
They also contain a lot of chemicals, (how do you think they make 0 calories taste so good?!) which can damage your bones and teeth by making them brittle, which is thevery LAST thing you need when your suffering from anorexia!!
I did a little experiment, and cut out diet coke all together for 2 weeks so far, and honestly my tummy is flatter, A LOT flatter, i feel less groggy, i can feel when by body is properly hungry and so i dont undereat or overeat anymore! And i haven't craved anything sugary for ages, so in my opinion, cut out the diet drinks!! It might do you some more good than you think!

Question's Answered...

http://www.bulimia.com/client/client_pages/newsletteredt3.cfm
I found this page recently, and it answered so many of my questions about weight gain after an eating disorder, i think it was very helpful because it made me see what was normal and what wasnt! hope it helps xxxx

Photoshop - It's how they really look perfect.

I am getting a bit sick of reading which celebrity is on which diet and how it make's her feel great, and she excercises for 14 hours a day blah blah blah - when it comes down to it, they have make up and hair assistants on hand almost all the time, get free designer clothes and make-up and don't forget....nearly all their glossy magazine shots are photoshopped. I have to admit, i looked at celebritys and envied their curvy figures and flat stomach's, but i have realised surgery and photoshopping makes a huge difference, if we all had that, we would look just as incredible! Here's an example that shows EXACTLY what i'm talking about!
 < She's gorgeous in the pictureon the left! why change it? because it makes them seem practically perfect and 'better' in some distorted way. I don't blame the media for my anorexia by all means, but it damn well didn't help!

MY CHALLENGE!!

 I admit i didnt just struggle with anorexia, i did binge a few times, and used exercise as a way of dealing with my binges. :-/ so i think with the whole binging history, it can be even more difficult to recover. SOOO i set myself a challenge....i bought a full pack of cadburys roses - yes i mean the big one! So my challenge was to see if i have overcome my restrictive behaviour AND my binging behaviour - hard to measure but how do you think i did?
Okay, good thing no.1 - i opened the box and for the first time in a while felt relaxed around chocolate.
Good thing no.2 - i carefully looked on the back and THOUGHT about it, instead of grabbing them all and shoving them in my mouth.
Good thing no.3 - i chose the one i actually wanted, since i didn't intend to have them all!
Good thing no.4 - chose wisely ;) haha (a big purple one with caramel and a hazelnut cased inside) yum!
Good thing no.5 - i ate 6 WHOLE CHOCOLATES :D felt a bit sick afterwards to be honest aha - but enjoyed my new found freedom all the same :)
Are you ready to take a challenge?.....

Fattest Teen in Britain Turns Anorexic

This story on the mail online made me feel really sad, it goes to show that ED's can affect anyone and everyone...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2000625/Malissa-Joness-gastric-band-op-caused-new-nightmare.html

Calories to be printed on restaurant menus

I saw this article a few weeks back, and not sure how i feel aboutit to be honest :-/ i think in a way its good because it may make people think more about what their eating and help them make healthier choices, but to be honest i dont think they can get every single dish exactly to the calorie content they claim it contains, it can depend on how much sauce the put on, how big a steak is etc, so for one thing, i don't think it will be very accurate...but i personally don't like the idea for me because i am trying very hard to NOT think about calories! these days i try really hard to chose dishes i will enjoy, not just get the smallest salad on the menu!! If you have any thoughts or views on this idea, just write up a quick comment below!! :) xxx heres the link to the article i read >   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315302/UK-restaurants-asked-print-calories-menus-combat-unhealthy-eating.html

Favourite Childhood Film?

What's yours? I think mine are, Tarzan, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Aladdin,Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory (old version of course!) The Lion King and Dracula....yeah i was an odd little kid lol.
I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory because it was on T.V the other day, and it made me remember a time when i was fine with eating popcorn when watching a film, just watched and mindlessly munched away!! I loved that i could do that, i know it may never be that way again, but you can always dream!
I realsied how 'safe' watching these films make me feel, they also make me feel kind of sad, because i can remember a happier time, which has sort of passed i guessed, but thats a part of growing up. I think no matter what happens you will soon have worries and troubles, life is so easy when your little. And although i can't go back in time and be that care-free little girl anymore, i can always sit down and escape the world in willy wonka's chocolate factory or inTransylvania with keanu reeves! ;)
Take a day off, turn off your phone and computer and watch your childhood favorite - popcorn optional. Have a good week :) be happy!! xxxxxxxxx

Like mother like daughter?

Okay, so i loooovve my mum, shes lovely, warm, kind...but also a little bit fat :-/ i mean, she loves her biscuits and buttery snacks, i feel HORRIBLE saying this, but i remember looking at her when i was at my highest (pretty damn normal) weight, and thinking, god i hope i dont look like that...ever!
I think it's true that a girl inherits her mothers general body shape, aka - big boobs, pear shape, big bum. And unluckily for me, my mums an apple shape grrr!! But i do A LOT of stomach excercises to try and avoid it, but it does seem to be the place i put weight on :(
But don't fear!! lol, keep in mind that different excercises can make a huge difference...i know my friend feels really self concious about her bum because her mum has a rather large derriere ;) and she told me she didnt want o look the same, 4 weeks worth of squats later, the girl had a butt like j-lo haha!
< destined to have the same body? Lindsay Lohan and her mum
here is an interesting site, considering the connesction between weight, mothers and daughters!...
http://www.webmd.com/skin-beauty/features/the-mother-daughter-weight-connection

Exams!!

Anorexia and other eating disorders can affect people of every age, sex and race...but it seems to mainly be teenage girls that develop it, and during this time most of the are going through exams, such as GCSE's or A levels, and i was just thinking today that i was so annoyed with my first a level results i got from my january exams, i though i would have done better than i actually did, but then it occured to me, maybe it was down to me not eating, i vaguely remember always being tired and un-interested in lessons and never really listening because all i thought about was food....made me so angry with myself, how dare i mess up my own future by not eating! Yet another reason i came up with for striving to recover..
If your reading this, and you too have exams or important work that needs real thought and concerntration to get done, make sure you are giving your body everything it needs to support that! Think oily fish (salmon) and lots and lots and LOTS of water, and just ensure your getting enough calories through out the weeks leading upto your exams - thank me in your nobel prize speech ;) oh and good luck if you do have exams REVISE!! ;) xxxx
< eat well and revise - just like ralph ;)