What is the ultimate body type?

I was looking through some blogs recently and found this page, > http://thestrengthathlete.blogspot.co.uk/2011/07/heres-to-you-skinny-fat-bitches.html
I think it shows what kind of body we all want to achieve (bottom picture) but like he said, that takes a lot of dedication. My point is what many of us THINK we have to do to achieve it is all wrong. If you don't eat, you will looK like the second picture,and i don't know about you but i would rather be one of the bottom two, take a look! xxx

No Aspartame Week - outcome

I always aim to be 100% honest, and sometimes to be as helpful as i can i need tell you EVERYTHING. - so one problem i always seemed to have was going to the toilet ALL THE TIME it was like my bladder got twice as small?! however, the week i have given up ALL sweeteners that has stopped, so have the headaches i always ignored, the eye pain, the bloated stomach, flatulence (lol) ringing in my ears, earache, tiredness, aches in my muscles.....Isn't that scary?! all of these thing have vanished within ONE WEEK of giving up aspartame, i looked up the symptoms of aspartame poisoning and i had all of the short term ones, and if they were real then why not the long term ones? such as memory loss, blindness, and cancer. How this product is still legal i have no idea, i literally feel like a new person, something really should be done to tackle this, we are poisoning ourselves without realizing it, i highly suggest you give up the diet coke, and if you must have a low calorie sweetener try truvia, its a sweetener made from the all natural ingredient stevia,
I cannot express how dangerous i think aspartame actually is, if you don't believe me just try avoiding it for a day or 2, especially if your an avid user you will notice an extreme difference

Starting from tomorrow NO artificial sweetners

Over the past year I must have gone over the recommended limit every day, even though I don't really think about he calories anymore. I still buy diet coke etc out of habit. Haven't had regular unless I was drinking and didn't notice! ;) however I have heard many bad things associated with these sweetners. So starting from tomorrow I'm having zilch. Nothing. Cold turkey. Bring on the sugar rush ;) I'll let you know how it goes a week from now x

Flat Stomach Experiment! Incredible outcome!

Ever since i started dieting, my stomach has become very prone to being bloated and oddly enough, was much worse when i ate less? But i have done a little experiment that has produced pretty amazing results!
Even now i still think twice about full fat yogurts, i think why not just have 2 low fat ones? Just the same calories, more yogurt! But thats until i discovered,.....Morrisons Active Yogurts... :-O SO TASTY, no yogurt will ever be the same!! You don't get any of that acidity which yogurt usually has, and they are creamy without being too rich. But my point is, i ate a pit every day last week and by sunday my stomach looked the best its ever looked!! Simply because of no bloating and i just felt good and 'un-sloshy' haha...sooo then this week i tried all low fat yogurts, went straight back to feeling bloated and uncomfortable....
From now on it's full fat yogurt for me!! I think they are about 130 calories a pot but i'm not 100% might be wrong on about 5 calories somewhere.....but the flavours are just gorgeous too! strawberry and raspberry or a more exotic peach and mango and pineapple, logan fruit (no idea either) and lime....thats my favorite one ;) plus because their morrisons own brand their pretty cheap! In dark green yogurt pots, the best i have ever had! xxx flat tums all round! xxx

You know what the scary thing is?....(It's not what you think)

When i made the decision last year to recover, the first thing i thought was oh my lord...i'm going to get HUGE, they will make me look like i did before and all my hard work will have gone to waste. Now when i look at what i thought back then, it just goes to show how far my thoughts had gone wrong :-/ how on earth is starving yourself to death 'hard work'? Hard work should produce results that help you, not kill you.
The scary thought to me then was that i was going to get fat. I was so petrified of it i sometimes got into real panic attacks, but now i realize you feel so RELIEVED when you actually have gained the weight and realize its all okay! :D you look much better, you have time for others and your goals in life.

Now i see the scariest part is how close i was to missing out on university, going out with my friends, spending time with my family....life. Imagine existing as a shell without an inside, isn't that god. damn. scary?! I certainly thought so, keep going my friends. I sure will :) xxxx

How to diet without restricting?

I have thought about this A LOT...im getting to the stage now where im perfectly happy with my body, my bmi is healthy again and i feel like i look great! (my bums back too ;p which means i can wear jeans woo!) but what happens later on in life, when i may start to put on excess weight that i don't want? I know i won't restrict again, i promised my family i would never do that to them.
SO...how do you do it without restricting? Well...excercise is pretty essential i have to say, sorry! and so are GOOD fats, such as fats from nuts, and avacados. I have done well on, granola for breakfast, snacks are apples and tangerines..or carrot sticks and hummous...then lunch is a sweet potato and feta cheese salad or tuna salad, or bagel with low fat cream cheese! :) then my dinner...and maybe a latte!!
Give it a go!!
xxx

1st ANNIVERSARY! :)

It has been exactly one year since the start of my recovery :) it is beyond incredible how far I've gotten?! Can't even imagine being how I was last year, I also can't believe how much of my life I have allowed to be wasted by anorexia..I'm going to celebrate with a slice of cake I think! Or maybe 2 ;p who the hell cares anyway? All that matters now is life is more important than anything...being anorexic is not having a life, it's simply an existence.

Medical reason you were struck down with anorexia - discovered!!

Hello all! Very sorry I have been away for a while, exams and what not! So I took a break from revision tonight and watched 'Kate Thornton - anorexia my secret past' and 1. Found her story incredibly similar to my own, she also had a quick development, incredibly drastic weight loss, and quick recovery...but one thing I found very well..relieving on the programme was when she visited a medical centre to look at medical evidence for anorexia.

She took a test, where her brain activity was monitored and they looked at anxiety etc. and amazingly it turns out its something to do with Neuro transmitters. Some of us a preposition ed to have anorexia. It's just a matter of something triggering it off! It actaully makes sense, think how many people can diet but not develop anorexia? Whilst some of us can never imagine dieting in the way others do...there it is people science backs it up! Now the good news is our recovered anorexic narrator kate Thorntons brain was now completely normal..through experience, environment and being determined enough, you can change the way you are...but again the point I have always made is proven. Only you can do this, but trust me we all can. It is backed up by SCIENCE! :) p.s. if you want to watch the program I watched it on channel 5, sure it will be on their catch up site!! Xxx

Happy New Year...without the typical after christmas diet *sigh*

Had 5 whole quality streets this christmas? Even allowed yourself 3 maybe 4 sprouts?! Weight watchers allleerrtt!! What a load of rubbish. You only eat more over the holidays if you choose to, these weight loss adverts are not aimed at everyone FIRST RULE!!! They are aimed at people who need to lose weight to be healthy, not to be our societys view of 'thin' and 'healthy'
This was one of my main issues,,, i believed i HAD to diet because it was considered 'normal' and the thing to do. We are told burgers are evil and salads are great, but if you had a veggie burger compared to a ceaser salad full of bacon, cheese and dressing and you enjoy the burger more whats the difference?
I'll tell ya, your mind set. You feel bad that you had that burger instead of the salad because society says eating that will make you blow up like a balloon. The reality is, it wont. As long as you eat in moderation and include lots of fresh and seasonal food in your diet, you cant go wrong really! If you are dangerously overweight i would advise cutting down on sugary foods and do more excersise simple!!
Have a happy 2012 everyone and please enjoy it, and dont punish yourself for that extra bit of chocolate cake...lets make this year a year for recovery! xxxxxxxxxxx

My Christmas Spirit xxx

Helloo everyone!! sorry been off for a while, had lots of christmas shopping etc to do!! :)
So this time last year i was at my lowest weight, depressed and very close to losing everything i loved. All i can say is what a difference a year makes!! Now all the elements of my life that were falling apart have been glued back together...WITH FOOD :P
I think it was this time last year i realised i really really had a problem, i mean i knew a while before but my determination blinded me..but it was last december i was so underweight it was very difficult to get out of bed, and life simply had no meaning other than controlling my calorie intake....which is incredibly depressing.

Christmas saved me last year...

...because i realised that food is not only essential, it brings familys together and encourages us all to see that the people we love are whats important, and if your worrying about those pigs in blankets and the roasted potatos..then your missing it. I remember eating quite well (for me at the time) that christmas, my belly was the fullest it had been in months and i finally felt a pang of happiness,, i think that was the mental point when my recovery wanted to start,, but my real recovery started in january...anneversiary coming up :D so excited!!

If anyone has any suggestions on what celebration cake i should make (yes im going to bake my cake and eat it) then let me know your ideas!! thanks love you lot!! xxxx

Food Review! - Time Out Chocolate Bar (Cadburys)

What is that special something that brings back childhood memorys? Maybe the smell of your grandma's cooking, or that little park you strolled around as a kid, or maybe that chocolate bar you used to mindlessly chomp on after that long walk in the park....for me that was a cadburys 'Time Out'
I LOVE these things and its literally been YEARS since i last had one, beyond perfect with a warm hot drink like milky tea or a latte :) So i have had a loooong tiring monday, school work getting heavy and amount of sleep is becoming minimal :( so my mum treated me to a bit of chocolate from the shop, and then i saw it, my good old friend 'Time Out' - perfect name ey?! ;-)
So i got home, into my PJ's (don't judge) with a warm cup of tea and my time out. It was as delicious as i remembered, even more so! And the best part is, theres TWO BARS! :D lol - It's a long thin stick, which is basically a light, ever so slightly malty crisp wafer wrapped in a thin layer of perfectly balanced sweet cadburys chocolate, but the best part is, in the middle of the wafer is a gorgeous rippled centre of smooth chocolate, that is AMAZING once you have quickly dipped it in your tea :p best way to describe it is like a cadbury flake within crisp wafer dipped in more chocolate (drooool) The two bars were happily munched within 5 minutes and the best part is if you want to savour the bar longer just eat the other half later! If you can that it haha - but really, its a very understated chocolate bar, and well worth a go! I am slowly getting through my chocolate, my fear of it has practically vanished but i still limit myself a bit, simply because its not that great to be munching on endless chocolate bars everyday :P but there will be more to come i promise!!

Healthy weight :) finally!

Hello everyone! I am very pleased to announce I am now officially in the healthy weight category. Still only just but all the same I'm classed as healthy! The best part of it is I still feel very slim, my thigh gap has just about disappeared but I have been doing lots of bikeriding and muscle working exercises recently an my stomach is flatter than it's ever been when I was at my lowest weight! I feel so much better and now I'm getting compliments all the time! I used to get so frustrated when I starved mysel to look extra good for a party then no one said anything, of course I didn't realise at the time is that they didn't say anything because I looked like I was about to collapse :-/ just thought I would let you all know :) xx

Seeing the Therapist..

Hello all! Well as some of you may know, at the beginning of my recovery i was 'recommended' to a psychologist, who was a HORRIBLE man who must have been going through a rough time in his personal life because he was letting out all his aggression on me...he. was. horrible.
Now i'm not saying DONT go to a therapist, but for me personally i felt he was holding me back and by 'addressing' my problems made me feel awful about myself and made me want to restrict all over again, he was ctually creating 'problems' but anyhoo, i dropped him ages ago and have been gaining very well ever since!
Just to prepare you, the therapist may not be what you expect, he wont be a nice old small bloke with glasses who is going to listen to all your problems and speak softly and talk through ways in which you can improve...he might, but then he might be like mine...EVIL MARTIN.

He looked me up and down with disgust and then fired questions at me one after the other like 'why are you doing this to yourself' and 'your going to die if you do this for another week, what would your family think?' and 'are your parents divorced?' It was worse than opening up to my mum and dad about it! He was an awful man and he didn't help me at all, (but as always there's a big) HOWEVER i'm happy i went, because it made me stand up for myself, the same way i had to stand up againt anorexia, i basically told him to go f**k himself and i could do it on my own, im not sure how much of doing that gave me the strength to do it, i know i wanted to prove the bast**d wrong, but remember the only person your really recovering for is yourself, only YOU will know if you are recovered or not, no scale, therapist or doctor can tell you your recovered, do it in your own time and pace and i promise you will get there xxxxxxxxxx
< martin the arseface. lol :P

New world, new perspective, new life

Helloo! So I'm back from my holiday and I have to admit I've been back for a while and completely forgot about my blog! My eating disorder feels like another world away I haven't counted calories for so long and my weight is healthy and stable without thinking or trying to keep it that way...I have got to one ofthose stages in my life where concentration and dedication is important, to be perfectly honest I don't have time to worry about food, too much else to worry about! I'm very aware of how hard this may be to some of you, but the best advice I could ever give you is to stop counting calories all together and then eat when your hungry, that my friends is a normal lifestyle and the sooner you stop counting calories the sooner you can move on with your life and be whatever you want to be, and nit be defined as that girl who has food issues, no one wants to be her! Try it for a week and see how you cope, if you do it let me know!! Xxx

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Hello all! I'm off on holiday today!! :D very excited bcause for the first time i'm going buisness class (ooooh!) reallly looking forward to it :) i will be back in just under 2 weeks and will tell you all about Australia when i'm back :)
I usually HATE plane food, i swear i'm actually very ill after i have eaten it :( i am used to those freezing cold bread rolls fresh from the freezer and those AMAZINGLY salty microwave style goop they call 'meals' (not that i'm a food snob or anything ;) but this time i get REAL cutlery and a 3 course menu!! :) so i get a real choice of good food hehe, reeeeaally looking forward to the whole experience, i will tell you all about it when i get back, and if were lucky, i may finally be able to upload my own pictures onto my blog! (i'm not very good with all this teChnicHal stuff :p) have a great couple of weeks stay strong :) xxxxxx
 Going to be a loooooong journey!

Food Review! - Rachel's Organic Vanilla Yogurt

So i felt like a dessert after dinner and thought i would nip to the shop for a little something, maybe a microwavable syrup sponge cake or a reliable ripple bar ;P but felt like something cool and creamy, was going for the tinned ambrosia custard when this vanilla yogurt caught my eye, low fat you say? Bugger, off limits! Not allowed to buy low fat anymore! Althouuugghh, it dooeess look rather yummy, maybe just this once? OH MY LORD ITS GOOD! I usually hate fat free yogurts, watery and (although i love sweetner) in fat free yogurts just tastes terrible! This yogurt is low fat, creamy, organic and tastes really vanillary and smooth..i had it with strawberries and some maple and pecan granola...pure heaven! look out for it, its incredibly tasty!

No Regrets

The title to this post may seem strange, but hear me out! I am not saying that i am happy with myself for having an eating disorder, being a complete bi*ch to my family, almost killing myself and destroying my relationship...HOWEVER it has taught me so much about myself, food, diet and life in general! I have also met so many incredible people along the way, people who have gone through/ going through eating disorders themselves but have still managed to support and guide me through my worst days, i honestly couldn't have done it without them, and in return they have told me that having conversations with me has helped them too, which makes me feel so much stronger and better about myself :D I honestly think a big part of recovery is regaining confidence again, you need to be very confident in yourself to be able to be confident in your new body.
I have recently come across a new friend (woop!) and she too has suffered from anorexia, she has a great blog (link here > http://misswonderfulhere.wordpress.com/) which is very similar to mine, in that it talks about her day to day life wit recovery and good ol' chit chat too! I was sooo pleased and proud to read her post about the gorgeous galaxy cookie crumble, she took my advice and bought her favourite chocolate bar - a HUGE step, especially to those who forbid themselves chocolate all together! Well done to her for taking that step forward!! I must admit i too have a couple of ripples stashed away in my room waiting to be eaten, i deprived mself from chocolate for so lon i have got used to not eating it, and don't crave it very often, i'm much more of a savoury person (hide the cheese!) but i love that they are always there if i want them hehe!
I love meeting and talking to new people and being so open about what i and they have been through, so in that respect i have no regrets :)
 

What will save YOU?

There are many things that can be generalised about anorexia and people who suffer from an ED, but I think the reasons behind why it started etc are very individual to each and every one of us, which is why I also think ways of recovering are different for each o us too! I have found that my way of dealing with it is simply seeing how much better my life is when I eat, I'm much more sociable and to be honest, much nicer to be around! I read this article a while ago and wanted to share it with you, it's about a woman who discovered her own personal cure for anorexia was making cupcakes :) and by soon this, she beat her fears of food, but more importantly, broke her fear of eating it! Recovery is never simple black and White, but I think once you have found the thing that drives you forwards, it gets a whole lot easier! Maybe make some cupcakes today? See how it affects you!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1316523/This-life-Nicola-Hobbs-passion-helped-recover.html

We live in the Dietin Century!

In the Elizebethan era, food was a sign of wealth, the fatter the were the more weath and health you appeared to posess, it's clear that this was not good for the health because it was a diet stuffed full of fats, red meats, and more meat! they didn't seem to understand the importance of a 'varied' diet lol, in the 60s tv dinners became the new trend, quick and fast was all the rage, but again not too great for your health...we however are the diet generation, EVERYWHERE you look there is focus on dieting and losing weight, i think this is because we have evolved to over eat, and now many of the worlds population in richer countries are obese, but this incredible focus on diet has left a distorted and damaging affect on society in general, the normal weight society especially! I think it's great that theirs health tips out there, but i now feel a lunch consisting of more than 300-400 calories is too much, but actually thats only for those who are on a strict diet...if you are eating to maintain you need more, but because their is so much focus on losing weight in magazines etc, you obviousily compare your own diet to the ones in that of the newspaper or magazine, and think it should be similar - IT SHOULDN'T BE IF YOU ARE MAINTAINING! it should be more!! - sorry i was reading Now! magazine and this irritated me haha, my general aims are...

breakfast - 400 calories

snack - 100-200

lunch - 400-500

dinner - 600 - 800

then if i'm still hungry i will have some nuts, a cereal bar, fruit or a smoothie or something to keep me satisfied for the next morning, i know that may seem like a lot but actually it's a very normal amount, and what we should be eating to stay healthy, it seems a lot because articles we read today are aimed at weight loss, never compare yourself to general society, only you know what you need, eat when your hungry and eat a varied diet and NEVER deny yourself on certain 'fear' foods and you will lead a long a health life :) xxxx

Chocolate Review - Mars Galaxy Ripple

Helloo :) okay i have decided one of the best things to do for my own personal recovery is to eat more of my fear foods, and i feel even better about eating them if i give you alla review afterwards! So that way you can get an idea of what foods are sooo good that you would be crazy not to eat them ;) i always try and get the point across that building up your body in the right and healthy way is very important in recovery, eg with fresh fruit, veg, nuts and protein, however it's also about beating your minds grasp on your views of food, like me and my fear of chocolate!
Anyhoo back to the point of my post for today! The glorious galaxy ripple chocolate bar (drools) for me i think the best possible way to describe this bar is the best sweet, smooth chocolaty hit in bar form possible! I like the long, elegant shape of the bar and the fact that it has a coating (unlike cadburys messy flake!) and i tink the 'ripple' effect makes it a really unique and tasty treat :) i remember this was the first chocolate bar (my mum bought me) during my first stages of recovery i could eat, i watched sweeny todd and just remember embracing it :) in fact, i think i'm going to nip to the shop for one right now as an after dinner treat :)
< nom xxx