Family xxx

I'm going away for a few days to visit the ol' family!! I haven't seen them in ages and i suddenly feel very nervous at the thought of them seeing me? Just because i have lost so much weight since they last saw me i dont want them too look at me in disgust and worry :-/ thats when you know you've gone too far...when people look at you with a look of disgust....although i've gained weight i'm still really thin and look a bit too gaunt.
I think you need to recover for yourself and for no one else, because in the end the only  thing that will get you through it is that you care enough about yourself to get better. But along the way i have realsied getting better and healthier also relaxes and puts my entire family at ease, i'm doing this for me, but the fact that i am stopping my family worrying at the same time is just another thing keeping me going :) anorexia is an isolated, selfish disorder...it's only once you start to break out of it you realise that xxx

Letting Go...

I have learned one of the things i must overcome to beat anorxia once and for all, i need to not be in control. It's been pretty hard these past few days to be honest because i have had to make my own breakfasts and lunches, (god i sound pathetic lol) but that amount of control is too much for someone in recovery...it meant my mind is thinking about food ALL THE TIME, what shouldi have for lunch? what has too many/little calories? what time am i having dinner? it's driving me insane...i still find it very hard to allow myself to go out without having eaten lunch i have made myself, because it means i'm either forced to get something when i'm out or nothing at all (which is NOT an option) and it's hard to find anything that isn't covered in grease or loaded with salt and fat. But i need to learn to let go...control is one of the things that really pins down my ED...and i just hate having it now, because i can't handle the control. My dad made me a B.L.T the other week, heavy with the bacon, mayo, and butter :-/ i almost exploded watching him make it, but i ate it and you know what...i'm still alive lol

< ok this isnt my dad lol but proves my point of someone else cooking!

Moral of this muddled post is, learn to let go and allow parents/friends/macdonalds guy to make you meals, it's one of the biggest hardest steps to make, but if your going to recover, your going to have to not be in control anymore.

Low Fat Food Facts

I swore by low fat yogurts, cheese and cakes if i ever allowed myself to eat them. But actually i have recently discovered eating these lower fat versions are much worse for you overall than the full fat kinds.
For one thing, they don't make you feel as full, so your inclined to eat more later, and you also allow yourself to eat more later because you think 'i'ts okay, the yogurt i ate before was low fat'
Another downside to low fat products is that things like yogurt and cakes replace the fat with heaps of sugar, which in the end converts itself into bad fats.

One of the most suprising things i found out though, was that high calorie, low fat diets make you look very bloated, and for a recovering anorexic this is lethal...you think your getting fat eventhough your eating low fat foods, which therefore makes you even more afraid of higher fat products and makes you avoid them even more...vicious cycle.

However, lean cuts of meat etc are often much better for you, but that just common sense!! lol

I also believe i appriciate what i'm eating more when it is full fat, because i ay more attention to it if you know what i mean? lol And lets face it, the full fat versions just taste better!!
But the most important thing about buying full fat and not lower fat versions for someone recovering from an eating disorder is that your making a concious step towards recovering, and with every full-fat bite, your kicking your ED's ass xxx

Emotional Eating Kit?

So i came across this product in my local holland and barrett,
 < it's Bach's emotional eating kit, and claims to stop cravings and make you have a better emotional outlook on food, and eating using herbal remedys and all natural products.... Sounds perfect right?!Question is does it actually work?...
So i tried it after i ate dinner, i had the Cherry Plum one which your meant to have when 'you fear your going to lose control' i dropped a few drops on my tounge, tasted quite nice!! and i can honestly say i think it worked, probably placebo because i'm stupidly gullible :p, the kit also contains chestnut bud and crab apple. The kit costs around £9.99
Overall i dont believe this product actually works, but tastes pleasant and will work if you believe it haha

Bulimia - The Harsh Reality

As i mentioned in my last post, bulimia is just one type of eating disorder. I wouldn't have personally classed myself as a bulimic before, but admittedly have binged and purged before, but it wasn't very often. I think i sufferered from anorexia much more. Anyway enough about me!! This is about the serious effects of bulimia, i have seen some videos on youtube which can only be described as horrific and shocking.

                                                                                  

Just some of the dangers of bulimia are, irregular heart beat, stomach rupture, stomach ulsters, dehydration and low potassium levels. Here are so links you may find helpful and interesting...
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/dangers-of-bulimia.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKld9ce76V0
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_self_help.htm

Buffets...make or break time.

As well all know, anorexia is not the only ED out there, there is also bulimia, and crosses between the two etc. Recovery for all types of eating disorders are difficult but for different reasons. Buffets for example, would be the ultimate challenge for a bulimic in recovery, the thing about many people with eating disorders, is they actually LOVE food, they just hate what it does to them, bulimics feel this the most. They eat and eat and eat and then purge it all up. This in my opinion is one of the most brutal eating disorders, and can be very hard to stop re-lapsing. but it's possible, trust me ;)
 < so many calories so little time...

Now when faced with a buffet it's hard because your expected to eat tonnes, i personally disagree with the whole idea of buffetts, but anyhoo the best thing to do is not get excited and drawn in by the food in front of you, like a wasp to honey!! because then you will get the 'clouded mind' thing where you just eat crazy amounts because it's there.
Try and eat something beforehand so your not starving when you get there, i know it sounds like extra calories surely but actually you will think more clearly and make better descisions if you have a decent breakfast or lunch beforehand.
Now, lets use a chinese buffett as an example, the best thing to do is....
skip all things like prawn crackers and starter stuff, they are packed with calories and you can just keep eating and eating them, they will surely make you feel guilty after wards :-/
go straight to main course and CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT if you eat something you dont want you will get annoyed and end up eating the thing you wanted in the first place lol....just have half a plate of it then take your time eating it.
I say half a plate, so that you can go back (therefore look normal!!) and get the other half, maybe try a different food or get the same thing.
Also drink lots of water, sometimes your just thirsty when you think your hungry!!
IMPORTANT PART : (eventually hehe) if you feel like purging after this consider the incredible damage your doing to your body...but thats another post for another day...
hope these tips help!! sorry for the looooooooong post but feel this topic is important xxx

Supersize vs Superskinny

I am a big fan of channel 4, and all it's other channels like E4 :) one show i really like is supersize vs superskinny, the new series has started and is on every tuesday on channel 4 at 8:00pm.
as you can see from this picture, and can probably tell from the title, the show is about a big diet swap between one supersized person and one superskinny person. This show would be good to watch if your in recovery because it can make you see that you need to get the right balance between overindulging, and eating practically nothing!! There is always parts during the show where they look at what undereating and overeating is doing to your body, and how much it is damaging it...very interesting and worth taking a look at!!
Have a lovely week everyone xxx

Fear of Butter?...

This stuff used to strike fear into me like you couldn't believe! not sure which was worse, people drowning things in mayo or spreading the butter really thick. i thought pointless fat and calories!! but when your recovering these foods are a godsend for two main reasons...1. they help you gain and makes you satisfied and 2.eating them and enjoying and allowing yourself to eat it means one step closer to being normal :)

Cravings!!

I read a lot about food and nutrition when i was dieting to the extreme, (irony i know) and one thing i remember reading is that if you don't eat enough, or don't allow yourself certain foods, you start to crave it. I thought, HA i can go without chocolate for weeks on end, but actually i did crave it...i thought about chocolate, fudge, cake, biscuits and junk ALL THE TIME. Thats one of the disturbing things about eating disorders, you lose yourself and your personality because all you think about is food. I used to actually go on websites and just look at the delicious high calorie foods i wouldn't allow myself to eat, clearly not normal behaviour!!
Ever since i have been in recovery, i have eaten 3 big meals with good fats in everyday, and i can honestly say don't crave junk or chocolate at all anymore. (i'm usually too full to think of food!! lol) but the nicest thing is, that now i will allow myself to eat anything, i don't crave it like a madwoman all the time! If i want dessert after dinner, i will have it, and if i don't then i won't simples!! :) i never believed that not eating enough could affect your way of thinking so much, but it's incredible!! I really have felt a big difference now that i eat normally. I would encourage all who want to recover to start the day with a satisfying bowl of cereal such as shredded wheat or alpen museli, a not too scary lunch could be baked potato with whatever topping you feel comfortable with (i like tuna and sweetcorn or baked beans) then snack on fruit or yogurt, have a nice dinner you feel comfortable eating and see how you feel :)
It will be the start of a new, healthy beginning :) ...minus the baked beans i guess lol

Inspirational Celebrities...

Alanis Morissette

Canadian singer Alanis Morissette has admitted that she struggled with anorexia and bulimia between the ages of 14 and 18, but is now recovered.
"I work out about two times a week instead of nine," she said. "I'm still a part of society, but I'm better able to challenge it than when I was 14."

Felicity Huffman

Actress Felicity Huffman fought anorexia and bulimia throughout her teens and into her early twenties. She sought help with the support of her family at age 22.

Geri Halliwell

I can honestly tell you from personal experience, that worrying about an eating disorder really can get you down. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You'll be amazed at the difference it'll make to your whole life if you tell someone you trust. There are lots of people who want to help and you really CAN'T fight this one on your own. It might be a hard decision to make, to tell people and to seek help but, trust me it's nowhere as hard as trying to deal with it on your own,"

Nutritious Nuts!!

They were my ultimate fear food, but they are known as nutritional powerhouses for a reason, not only are they a good source of HEALTHY fats, they are a great source of protein, which is essential if you're trying to gain weight the right way...
 The best way to add them to your diet without it being too 'scary' is adding some flaked almonds to your cereal or on top of yogurt. (My favourites are almonds and salted cashews :)

Don't be afraid of Pudding

Cake, crumble, pies, ice cream. Not exactly the most nutritional and healthy foods, but that dosen't mean we should never EVER eat them. I used to never allow myself chocolate, cake sweets or any form of dessert (maybe an apple if i was lucky) but now i realise if i need to ensure i'm gaining weight, a pudding is bliss!! A delicious way to keep me on track, here are some of my favourites that i think are worth every single calorie :)

Gu melting puds-Best Supermarket bought puds!!


Apple Crumble with vanilla custard- my favourite school dinner pudding :) love a sprinkle of cinnamon on top


Baklava - it's a wonderful traditional turkish dessert made with filo pastry, honey, nuts and more honey!!


Strawberry Cheesecake-Classc and sooo guurrd


and my ultimate favourite.....

STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING :) - with ice cream obviousily!!


so every once in a while let yourself have a dessert, prehaps at a restaurant? Or whenever you really feel like you deserve one ;) and never EVER feel guilty, your worth every sweet toothed second xxx

Blueberry's and Alpen Museli

One of my ultimate breakfasts :) i love his combination and alpen no added sugar museli keeps you feeling satisfied for aaagggeess...makes me look forward to breakfast again

Blueberrys are full of anti-oxidants and apparently put you in a good mood! Who would say no to that?!

Make a Fish Dish!!

Fish tastes wonderful and is full of omega 3 and good fats (especially salmon) so discover a recipe that you like with fish, such as fish pie, grilled salmon, tuna bake whatever you like!! This foods good for you, ;) x

Banana Porridge

This is one of my favourite breakfasts :) really sets me up for the day,


Nom Nom!! I like adding flaked almonds too for an extra boost and texture!

Good Inspirational Songs..

Sometime's music makes things that little bit better and the day that little bit brighter :) here are a few songs that i really love that inspire me to get good 'n' chunky!!

F***king Perfect - P!nk
Fighter- Christina Aguliera
Firework- Katy Perry
One Day Like This-Elbow
Save Me From Myself-Christina Aguliera

Great songs :) enjoy!! xxxx (if you know of any great songs then tell me! would love to add some more to the list xx)

MILK!!! :)

Milk. I always avoided it when i wasn't eating properly, to be honest, i love the stuff! Now i drink whole milk so that it's easier for me to gain. But did you know it's soooo good for you, especially if you have been depriving yourself of it, it is full of calcium and lets face it, coffee is no good without it! You need milk to avoid getting things like osteoporosis! and come oonn how can you resist the cravendale cat advert? ;)

Today's goal....drink milk!!! and never skimmed!!

The Story of Anna Wood...

This is a real story i came across when i was on my computer, and as i was reading it i broke down and couldn't stop crying. Anna seems so similar to me, and she looked beautiful in her before picture. Her story is a prime example of how evil anorexia is and how it can make a smart, beautiful girl lose everything. I wish all her family the best for the future and hope that they know that Anna was one of my main motivations for getting better. Being thin is not worth it, and it's not worth putting your family through.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315734/Anna-Wood-15-went-post-Christmas-diet-dies-anorexia-year.html