Letting Go...

I have learned one of the things i must overcome to beat anorxia once and for all, i need to not be in control. It's been pretty hard these past few days to be honest because i have had to make my own breakfasts and lunches, (god i sound pathetic lol) but that amount of control is too much for someone in recovery...it meant my mind is thinking about food ALL THE TIME, what shouldi have for lunch? what has too many/little calories? what time am i having dinner? it's driving me insane...i still find it very hard to allow myself to go out without having eaten lunch i have made myself, because it means i'm either forced to get something when i'm out or nothing at all (which is NOT an option) and it's hard to find anything that isn't covered in grease or loaded with salt and fat. But i need to learn to let go...control is one of the things that really pins down my ED...and i just hate having it now, because i can't handle the control. My dad made me a B.L.T the other week, heavy with the bacon, mayo, and butter :-/ i almost exploded watching him make it, but i ate it and you know what...i'm still alive lol

< ok this isnt my dad lol but proves my point of someone else cooking!

Moral of this muddled post is, learn to let go and allow parents/friends/macdonalds guy to make you meals, it's one of the biggest hardest steps to make, but if your going to recover, your going to have to not be in control anymore.