Family xxx

I'm going away for a few days to visit the ol' family!! I haven't seen them in ages and i suddenly feel very nervous at the thought of them seeing me? Just because i have lost so much weight since they last saw me i dont want them too look at me in disgust and worry :-/ thats when you know you've gone too far...when people look at you with a look of disgust....although i've gained weight i'm still really thin and look a bit too gaunt.
I think you need to recover for yourself and for no one else, because in the end the only  thing that will get you through it is that you care enough about yourself to get better. But along the way i have realsied getting better and healthier also relaxes and puts my entire family at ease, i'm doing this for me, but the fact that i am stopping my family worrying at the same time is just another thing keeping me going :) anorexia is an isolated, selfish disorder...it's only once you start to break out of it you realise that xxx

Letting Go...

I have learned one of the things i must overcome to beat anorxia once and for all, i need to not be in control. It's been pretty hard these past few days to be honest because i have had to make my own breakfasts and lunches, (god i sound pathetic lol) but that amount of control is too much for someone in recovery...it meant my mind is thinking about food ALL THE TIME, what shouldi have for lunch? what has too many/little calories? what time am i having dinner? it's driving me insane...i still find it very hard to allow myself to go out without having eaten lunch i have made myself, because it means i'm either forced to get something when i'm out or nothing at all (which is NOT an option) and it's hard to find anything that isn't covered in grease or loaded with salt and fat. But i need to learn to let go...control is one of the things that really pins down my ED...and i just hate having it now, because i can't handle the control. My dad made me a B.L.T the other week, heavy with the bacon, mayo, and butter :-/ i almost exploded watching him make it, but i ate it and you know what...i'm still alive lol

< ok this isnt my dad lol but proves my point of someone else cooking!

Moral of this muddled post is, learn to let go and allow parents/friends/macdonalds guy to make you meals, it's one of the biggest hardest steps to make, but if your going to recover, your going to have to not be in control anymore.

Low Fat Food Facts

I swore by low fat yogurts, cheese and cakes if i ever allowed myself to eat them. But actually i have recently discovered eating these lower fat versions are much worse for you overall than the full fat kinds.
For one thing, they don't make you feel as full, so your inclined to eat more later, and you also allow yourself to eat more later because you think 'i'ts okay, the yogurt i ate before was low fat'
Another downside to low fat products is that things like yogurt and cakes replace the fat with heaps of sugar, which in the end converts itself into bad fats.

One of the most suprising things i found out though, was that high calorie, low fat diets make you look very bloated, and for a recovering anorexic this is lethal...you think your getting fat eventhough your eating low fat foods, which therefore makes you even more afraid of higher fat products and makes you avoid them even more...vicious cycle.

However, lean cuts of meat etc are often much better for you, but that just common sense!! lol

I also believe i appriciate what i'm eating more when it is full fat, because i ay more attention to it if you know what i mean? lol And lets face it, the full fat versions just taste better!!
But the most important thing about buying full fat and not lower fat versions for someone recovering from an eating disorder is that your making a concious step towards recovering, and with every full-fat bite, your kicking your ED's ass xxx

Emotional Eating Kit?

So i came across this product in my local holland and barrett,
 < it's Bach's emotional eating kit, and claims to stop cravings and make you have a better emotional outlook on food, and eating using herbal remedys and all natural products.... Sounds perfect right?!Question is does it actually work?...
So i tried it after i ate dinner, i had the Cherry Plum one which your meant to have when 'you fear your going to lose control' i dropped a few drops on my tounge, tasted quite nice!! and i can honestly say i think it worked, probably placebo because i'm stupidly gullible :p, the kit also contains chestnut bud and crab apple. The kit costs around £9.99
Overall i dont believe this product actually works, but tastes pleasant and will work if you believe it haha

Bulimia - The Harsh Reality

As i mentioned in my last post, bulimia is just one type of eating disorder. I wouldn't have personally classed myself as a bulimic before, but admittedly have binged and purged before, but it wasn't very often. I think i sufferered from anorexia much more. Anyway enough about me!! This is about the serious effects of bulimia, i have seen some videos on youtube which can only be described as horrific and shocking.

                                                                                  

Just some of the dangers of bulimia are, irregular heart beat, stomach rupture, stomach ulsters, dehydration and low potassium levels. Here are so links you may find helpful and interesting...
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/dangers-of-bulimia.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKld9ce76V0
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_self_help.htm

Buffets...make or break time.

As well all know, anorexia is not the only ED out there, there is also bulimia, and crosses between the two etc. Recovery for all types of eating disorders are difficult but for different reasons. Buffets for example, would be the ultimate challenge for a bulimic in recovery, the thing about many people with eating disorders, is they actually LOVE food, they just hate what it does to them, bulimics feel this the most. They eat and eat and eat and then purge it all up. This in my opinion is one of the most brutal eating disorders, and can be very hard to stop re-lapsing. but it's possible, trust me ;)
 < so many calories so little time...

Now when faced with a buffet it's hard because your expected to eat tonnes, i personally disagree with the whole idea of buffetts, but anyhoo the best thing to do is not get excited and drawn in by the food in front of you, like a wasp to honey!! because then you will get the 'clouded mind' thing where you just eat crazy amounts because it's there.
Try and eat something beforehand so your not starving when you get there, i know it sounds like extra calories surely but actually you will think more clearly and make better descisions if you have a decent breakfast or lunch beforehand.
Now, lets use a chinese buffett as an example, the best thing to do is....
skip all things like prawn crackers and starter stuff, they are packed with calories and you can just keep eating and eating them, they will surely make you feel guilty after wards :-/
go straight to main course and CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT if you eat something you dont want you will get annoyed and end up eating the thing you wanted in the first place lol....just have half a plate of it then take your time eating it.
I say half a plate, so that you can go back (therefore look normal!!) and get the other half, maybe try a different food or get the same thing.
Also drink lots of water, sometimes your just thirsty when you think your hungry!!
IMPORTANT PART : (eventually hehe) if you feel like purging after this consider the incredible damage your doing to your body...but thats another post for another day...
hope these tips help!! sorry for the looooooooong post but feel this topic is important xxx