My Christmas Spirit xxx

Helloo everyone!! sorry been off for a while, had lots of christmas shopping etc to do!! :)
So this time last year i was at my lowest weight, depressed and very close to losing everything i loved. All i can say is what a difference a year makes!! Now all the elements of my life that were falling apart have been glued back together...WITH FOOD :P
I think it was this time last year i realised i really really had a problem, i mean i knew a while before but my determination blinded me..but it was last december i was so underweight it was very difficult to get out of bed, and life simply had no meaning other than controlling my calorie intake....which is incredibly depressing.

Christmas saved me last year...

...because i realised that food is not only essential, it brings familys together and encourages us all to see that the people we love are whats important, and if your worrying about those pigs in blankets and the roasted potatos..then your missing it. I remember eating quite well (for me at the time) that christmas, my belly was the fullest it had been in months and i finally felt a pang of happiness,, i think that was the mental point when my recovery wanted to start,, but my real recovery started in january...anneversiary coming up :D so excited!!

If anyone has any suggestions on what celebration cake i should make (yes im going to bake my cake and eat it) then let me know your ideas!! thanks love you lot!! xxxx

Food Review! - Time Out Chocolate Bar (Cadburys)

What is that special something that brings back childhood memorys? Maybe the smell of your grandma's cooking, or that little park you strolled around as a kid, or maybe that chocolate bar you used to mindlessly chomp on after that long walk in the park....for me that was a cadburys 'Time Out'
I LOVE these things and its literally been YEARS since i last had one, beyond perfect with a warm hot drink like milky tea or a latte :) So i have had a loooong tiring monday, school work getting heavy and amount of sleep is becoming minimal :( so my mum treated me to a bit of chocolate from the shop, and then i saw it, my good old friend 'Time Out' - perfect name ey?! ;-)
So i got home, into my PJ's (don't judge) with a warm cup of tea and my time out. It was as delicious as i remembered, even more so! And the best part is, theres TWO BARS! :D lol - It's a long thin stick, which is basically a light, ever so slightly malty crisp wafer wrapped in a thin layer of perfectly balanced sweet cadburys chocolate, but the best part is, in the middle of the wafer is a gorgeous rippled centre of smooth chocolate, that is AMAZING once you have quickly dipped it in your tea :p best way to describe it is like a cadbury flake within crisp wafer dipped in more chocolate (drooool) The two bars were happily munched within 5 minutes and the best part is if you want to savour the bar longer just eat the other half later! If you can that it haha - but really, its a very understated chocolate bar, and well worth a go! I am slowly getting through my chocolate, my fear of it has practically vanished but i still limit myself a bit, simply because its not that great to be munching on endless chocolate bars everyday :P but there will be more to come i promise!!

Healthy weight :) finally!

Hello everyone! I am very pleased to announce I am now officially in the healthy weight category. Still only just but all the same I'm classed as healthy! The best part of it is I still feel very slim, my thigh gap has just about disappeared but I have been doing lots of bikeriding and muscle working exercises recently an my stomach is flatter than it's ever been when I was at my lowest weight! I feel so much better and now I'm getting compliments all the time! I used to get so frustrated when I starved mysel to look extra good for a party then no one said anything, of course I didn't realise at the time is that they didn't say anything because I looked like I was about to collapse :-/ just thought I would let you all know :) xx

Seeing the Therapist..

Hello all! Well as some of you may know, at the beginning of my recovery i was 'recommended' to a psychologist, who was a HORRIBLE man who must have been going through a rough time in his personal life because he was letting out all his aggression on me...he. was. horrible.
Now i'm not saying DONT go to a therapist, but for me personally i felt he was holding me back and by 'addressing' my problems made me feel awful about myself and made me want to restrict all over again, he was ctually creating 'problems' but anyhoo, i dropped him ages ago and have been gaining very well ever since!
Just to prepare you, the therapist may not be what you expect, he wont be a nice old small bloke with glasses who is going to listen to all your problems and speak softly and talk through ways in which you can improve...he might, but then he might be like mine...EVIL MARTIN.

He looked me up and down with disgust and then fired questions at me one after the other like 'why are you doing this to yourself' and 'your going to die if you do this for another week, what would your family think?' and 'are your parents divorced?' It was worse than opening up to my mum and dad about it! He was an awful man and he didn't help me at all, (but as always there's a big) HOWEVER i'm happy i went, because it made me stand up for myself, the same way i had to stand up againt anorexia, i basically told him to go f**k himself and i could do it on my own, im not sure how much of doing that gave me the strength to do it, i know i wanted to prove the bast**d wrong, but remember the only person your really recovering for is yourself, only YOU will know if you are recovered or not, no scale, therapist or doctor can tell you your recovered, do it in your own time and pace and i promise you will get there xxxxxxxxxx
< martin the arseface. lol :P

New world, new perspective, new life

Helloo! So I'm back from my holiday and I have to admit I've been back for a while and completely forgot about my blog! My eating disorder feels like another world away I haven't counted calories for so long and my weight is healthy and stable without thinking or trying to keep it that way...I have got to one ofthose stages in my life where concentration and dedication is important, to be perfectly honest I don't have time to worry about food, too much else to worry about! I'm very aware of how hard this may be to some of you, but the best advice I could ever give you is to stop counting calories all together and then eat when your hungry, that my friends is a normal lifestyle and the sooner you stop counting calories the sooner you can move on with your life and be whatever you want to be, and nit be defined as that girl who has food issues, no one wants to be her! Try it for a week and see how you cope, if you do it let me know!! Xxx

Planes, Trains, and Automobiles

Hello all! I'm off on holiday today!! :D very excited bcause for the first time i'm going buisness class (ooooh!) reallly looking forward to it :) i will be back in just under 2 weeks and will tell you all about Australia when i'm back :)
I usually HATE plane food, i swear i'm actually very ill after i have eaten it :( i am used to those freezing cold bread rolls fresh from the freezer and those AMAZINGLY salty microwave style goop they call 'meals' (not that i'm a food snob or anything ;) but this time i get REAL cutlery and a 3 course menu!! :) so i get a real choice of good food hehe, reeeeaally looking forward to the whole experience, i will tell you all about it when i get back, and if were lucky, i may finally be able to upload my own pictures onto my blog! (i'm not very good with all this teChnicHal stuff :p) have a great couple of weeks stay strong :) xxxxxx
 Going to be a loooooong journey!

Food Review! - Rachel's Organic Vanilla Yogurt

So i felt like a dessert after dinner and thought i would nip to the shop for a little something, maybe a microwavable syrup sponge cake or a reliable ripple bar ;P but felt like something cool and creamy, was going for the tinned ambrosia custard when this vanilla yogurt caught my eye, low fat you say? Bugger, off limits! Not allowed to buy low fat anymore! Althouuugghh, it dooeess look rather yummy, maybe just this once? OH MY LORD ITS GOOD! I usually hate fat free yogurts, watery and (although i love sweetner) in fat free yogurts just tastes terrible! This yogurt is low fat, creamy, organic and tastes really vanillary and smooth..i had it with strawberries and some maple and pecan granola...pure heaven! look out for it, its incredibly tasty!

No Regrets

The title to this post may seem strange, but hear me out! I am not saying that i am happy with myself for having an eating disorder, being a complete bi*ch to my family, almost killing myself and destroying my relationship...HOWEVER it has taught me so much about myself, food, diet and life in general! I have also met so many incredible people along the way, people who have gone through/ going through eating disorders themselves but have still managed to support and guide me through my worst days, i honestly couldn't have done it without them, and in return they have told me that having conversations with me has helped them too, which makes me feel so much stronger and better about myself :D I honestly think a big part of recovery is regaining confidence again, you need to be very confident in yourself to be able to be confident in your new body.
I have recently come across a new friend (woop!) and she too has suffered from anorexia, she has a great blog (link here > http://misswonderfulhere.wordpress.com/) which is very similar to mine, in that it talks about her day to day life wit recovery and good ol' chit chat too! I was sooo pleased and proud to read her post about the gorgeous galaxy cookie crumble, she took my advice and bought her favourite chocolate bar - a HUGE step, especially to those who forbid themselves chocolate all together! Well done to her for taking that step forward!! I must admit i too have a couple of ripples stashed away in my room waiting to be eaten, i deprived mself from chocolate for so lon i have got used to not eating it, and don't crave it very often, i'm much more of a savoury person (hide the cheese!) but i love that they are always there if i want them hehe!
I love meeting and talking to new people and being so open about what i and they have been through, so in that respect i have no regrets :)
 

What will save YOU?

There are many things that can be generalised about anorexia and people who suffer from an ED, but I think the reasons behind why it started etc are very individual to each and every one of us, which is why I also think ways of recovering are different for each o us too! I have found that my way of dealing with it is simply seeing how much better my life is when I eat, I'm much more sociable and to be honest, much nicer to be around! I read this article a while ago and wanted to share it with you, it's about a woman who discovered her own personal cure for anorexia was making cupcakes :) and by soon this, she beat her fears of food, but more importantly, broke her fear of eating it! Recovery is never simple black and White, but I think once you have found the thing that drives you forwards, it gets a whole lot easier! Maybe make some cupcakes today? See how it affects you!!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-1316523/This-life-Nicola-Hobbs-passion-helped-recover.html

We live in the Dietin Century!

In the Elizebethan era, food was a sign of wealth, the fatter the were the more weath and health you appeared to posess, it's clear that this was not good for the health because it was a diet stuffed full of fats, red meats, and more meat! they didn't seem to understand the importance of a 'varied' diet lol, in the 60s tv dinners became the new trend, quick and fast was all the rage, but again not too great for your health...we however are the diet generation, EVERYWHERE you look there is focus on dieting and losing weight, i think this is because we have evolved to over eat, and now many of the worlds population in richer countries are obese, but this incredible focus on diet has left a distorted and damaging affect on society in general, the normal weight society especially! I think it's great that theirs health tips out there, but i now feel a lunch consisting of more than 300-400 calories is too much, but actually thats only for those who are on a strict diet...if you are eating to maintain you need more, but because their is so much focus on losing weight in magazines etc, you obviousily compare your own diet to the ones in that of the newspaper or magazine, and think it should be similar - IT SHOULDN'T BE IF YOU ARE MAINTAINING! it should be more!! - sorry i was reading Now! magazine and this irritated me haha, my general aims are...

breakfast - 400 calories

snack - 100-200

lunch - 400-500

dinner - 600 - 800

then if i'm still hungry i will have some nuts, a cereal bar, fruit or a smoothie or something to keep me satisfied for the next morning, i know that may seem like a lot but actually it's a very normal amount, and what we should be eating to stay healthy, it seems a lot because articles we read today are aimed at weight loss, never compare yourself to general society, only you know what you need, eat when your hungry and eat a varied diet and NEVER deny yourself on certain 'fear' foods and you will lead a long a health life :) xxxx

Chocolate Review - Mars Galaxy Ripple

Helloo :) okay i have decided one of the best things to do for my own personal recovery is to eat more of my fear foods, and i feel even better about eating them if i give you alla review afterwards! So that way you can get an idea of what foods are sooo good that you would be crazy not to eat them ;) i always try and get the point across that building up your body in the right and healthy way is very important in recovery, eg with fresh fruit, veg, nuts and protein, however it's also about beating your minds grasp on your views of food, like me and my fear of chocolate!
Anyhoo back to the point of my post for today! The glorious galaxy ripple chocolate bar (drools) for me i think the best possible way to describe this bar is the best sweet, smooth chocolaty hit in bar form possible! I like the long, elegant shape of the bar and the fact that it has a coating (unlike cadburys messy flake!) and i tink the 'ripple' effect makes it a really unique and tasty treat :) i remember this was the first chocolate bar (my mum bought me) during my first stages of recovery i could eat, i watched sweeny todd and just remember embracing it :) in fact, i think i'm going to nip to the shop for one right now as an after dinner treat :)
< nom xxx

Take out panic!!

I wondered today if i will ever get over that horrible panic when my mum says were having take away or pizza tonight - my heart starts racing and i'm not sure what to do to get out of it, then i remember i can eat take out, i WILL enjoy it and i WILL only eat until i'm full, no binging. So i am having indian takeaway tonight - (this one used to scare me the most, so oily!) here are a few 'safe' options i always choose for take aways....
Indian- tandoori chicken, tandoori prawns or vegetable balti, dhal and chickpea based dishes with boiled rice and NO naan

Chinese - chicken and sweetcorn soup, king prawn with ginger, vegetable soft noodle, avoid egg fried rice and prawn crackers

pizza - thin crust, extra veggie toppings, or plain with black olives (i also love anchovys but i don't think anyone else does! ;)

Fish and Chips - okay sorry, no avoiding anything in this! lol best option is attempting to take as much batter of the lovely cod fillet as you can and just enjoy the chips!

Tryand avoid creamy based dishes and those 'little extras' like naan bread and garlic bread - thats where a lot of the un needed calories come from,

these are just some tips to help you through having a take away and being able to enjoy it knowing you have picked one of the best options!

Delicious Nutritious Chocolate Mousse!

I'm not sure if i have mentioned this already, but i actually suffered from orthorexia before full blown anorexia, which meant i had a huge fear of ANYTHING 'bad' like cake and chocolate, then as the anorexia took over pretty much all food was 'bad' apart from fruit :-/ so when a lovely friend of mine gave me this recipe i was thrilled at how delcious and healthy it was :) I swear its just like REAL chocolate mousse!! But creamier ;) it's stunning i can'tthank her enough for sharing it with me!
you will need...
1 avacado - ripe (don't be scared, its full of good fats!)
1 mango - ripe and juicy
4 teaspoons of cocoa powder
(you can also add your own form of sweetner if you like it a little more sweet, aka honey or sugar - i used sugarfree vanilla syrup :)
then chop into small peices and blend into a food processor until the mixture is smooth and creamy
ENJOY!
Thanks again to my friend for the recipe, she is an inspiration to us all, plus she got me eating avacado again bless hr XD lol much love xxxxx

Cherrie's Body Dilemmas - BBC Three

I don't know if anyone else has beeen watching this small series, but i love the presenter of this show, i think she's so funny, but Cherrie basically goes around the UK and talks about issues that seem to affect us all and how it can vary depending on the area and the person, she has done a few episodes, one was on motherhood and the most recent which i was interested in was the body dilemmas episode.
Amazingly the program didn't talk much at all about anorexia or eating disorders, although it did mention that women these days do seem to have much more of a calorie obsession that they used to, i found this program incredibly uplifting because she met up with girls who want to be bigger and are much happier that wa because they are accepting themselves, there was this gorgeous, funny girl who created this fashion blog for bigger girls and saidthe most incredible thing ever....

'This is my body, not theirs.' - Makes complete sense dosent it?! It is so stupidly clear to me now, i can't envy models because my body is not their body, all you need is to be happy with your own body and trust me, to be happy the best thing to do is make sure your healthy, being underweight and mal-nourished does not equal happiness!!

Here is a link to a general summary of the show, i think you can still watch it on BBC iPlayer because it was on recently, but depending on when you read this post that ay not be the case anymore lol!
 http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/bbcthree/2011/08/body.shtml
 < plus cherrie's baby coco is GORGEOUS!! Beyond cute haha - enjoy the show! x

Scented Candles - appetite suppressant? Experiment!

Anyone who knows me really well knows i LOVE incense sticks, scented candles, oil burners, relaxing music, dreamcatchers the whole hippie sha-bang!! lol well i bought a new candle today, switched to 'citronella' from my usual vanilla. And i honestly think it could have appetite suppressing qualitys?! I don't seem to feel hungry at all in my room, but when i went to the bathroom the room smelt different and i felt hungry, i went back into my room and the overpowering lemony smell seemed to suppress my appetite instantly!? I am not promoting this AT ALL but hey it's kinda cool ;) haha xxx anyone else LOVE burning candles? what's your favourite smelling candle, care to share in the comment box below, i would be very gratefullll!!! xxxxxxxxxx

Sardines - healthy heart food

My favourite food is fish. Shellfish, smoked salmon, smoked haddock, cod, sardines you name it and i love it! So for lunch the other day i cooked up a little something all fish lovers would like, its a very salty and savoury dish, and hey salts not good for you but dang it makes food taste sooo guurd!! anyone else like salt and plain pasta? lol well i found a tin od sardines in the cupboard the other day and decided to make my own little pasta sauce :) i used....
1 mini pot of salsa as the base (honestly i do this a lot its genuis haha)
1/2 a tin of sardines in brine
chopped aubergine (eggplant) about 50grams
1/4 of a small white onion
handful of capers (or green olives - if you don't like the taste you can leave them out, i have only just got used to them!)
thyme (2 tsp)
0regano (2 tsp)
salt and pepper to taste (i love pepper)
dry pasta (i used fusilli pasta)
put the pasta in a pan with water and let it come to a boil, then bring down the heat and let it cook for as long as te instructions say, -(usually 10-12 minutes for small pasta)
cook the thickly chopped aubergine in boiling water first to soften it a bit then drain of all the water and put it in a saucepan with the other ingredients and just let it cook/simmer on a low heat for about 10-15 minutes! and voila! you have a spicy healthy pasta sauce that brightens up any ol' lnchtime!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/debbieharryxxx/6056110738/sizes/l/in/photostream/

Personal Update

Helloo all :) firstly want to say thank you to anyone who follows or even glances at this blog, i didn't expect ANYONE to look or pay attention to it lol, but the stats show that different people from all over the world are looking :D obviousily not good that so many are having eating disorders, but hopefully everyone looking is at least considering recovery?
Anyway, i have had a lot of support from so many of you, and it makes me feel so much stronger knowing you lot are backing me! :) I have gained more weight, but i actually don't know how much because i have made the descision to not weigh myself...it's not about that for me anymore, i will feel upset if the scales evidently go up, but thats because society has drummed it into our brains that gaining weight is ALWAYS a bad thing, but for me it's really not. By doing this i feel much more comfortable in my own skin, and helps me concerntrate on the mental side of things, which is muchmore important to deal with.
I have beaten so many of my own little 'rules' and i get 'better' everyday, eg- used to limit myself to 2 peices of fruit a day, now it's as many as i like, i now drink fruit juice and chocolate is finally back on the menu :)
I just hope that anyone considering/starting/goin through recovery knows that there is a way out of this, i swear recovery is like a tunnel, it looks so dark and long but once you start and get going the light at the end gets bigger and bigger....soon you will walk into it, just takes a little time and dedication xxxxxx

Low Calories, Low Nutrition?

I read an interesting article recently that i actually personally cannot relate to. It was all about teenage girls who try to lose weight by cutting the calorie intake, but sacrificing their health. eg - they will eat a bar of chocolate but skip lunch because it will add to their calorie intake...(can i just say if you do that, your body will hold on to the fat instantly and it will be much harder to lose weight) my own form of anorexia meant i didn't allow myself ANY chocolate, cake, sweets or anything tha wasn't fruit or in my view 'healthy' for about 7 months...so are you one of these girls who are depriving your body of fruit and veg to cut the calories? well let me tells ya, your waistline will NOT be happy with you in a few years, yes its less fun filling up on bananas, but if you want to lose weight in a healthy, happy way and KEEP it off, theres no other way i'm afraid xxxx
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2012803/Teenage-girls-junk-food-diet-leaves-starved-vitamins.html

Chickpeas - My new superfood!

I love these things :) plus they are a delicious source of protein! My favourite type of food is greek, i love stuffed vine leaves, mousakka, grilled halloumi and anything with feta cheese!
Chickpea's are commonly used in greek and moroccan foods, and are brilliant for vegetarians! Beacuse they help make a healthy, substantial meal! They are very filling, trust me! My favourite dishes with chickpeas are...
falafel - basically ALL chickpea! Plus spices, onion and parsley. But basically chickpeas smooshed together and lightley fried, now i know what your thinking FRIED?! I hate fried food to be honest, but i drain my falafel with kitchen towels when i have made them, in fact i'm making them tonight for dinner!

Falafel burgers < - i always prefer them to burgers?!

My second favourite use for these little gems is when my mum uses them in her gorgeous morroccan lamb stews :) yumm! She uses spices like cinnamon and paprika and adds chickpeas last minute for a little more depth and texture

< Morroccan Stew - Can anyone spot the chikpeas? ;) I counted 3 lol

Chickpeas are also a great addition to salads, and i like them with cous cous or grilled veggies such as aubergine (eggplant)

< red onion, tomato's and corriander are amazing with chickpeas as a side salad

Chickpeas nutritional value per 100g - 164 calories and 2.59g of fat

Eat up!

American Pie :)

Helloo everyone! I have arrived back from America! Still very jet lagged so if i spell stuff wrong or sound odd sorry! haha - i had an INCREDIBLE time, and feel like i have learned a lot about myself and the trip put a lot of stuff in perspective for me. I went with my mum and my sister (girly road trip!) and discovered we get on better than i thought, of course we argued a bit but most of the time we were always laughing and enjoying ourselves :)
I was so worried about my mum before we went, i was scared she was going to force taco bell down my throat and shout at me if i didnt want to eat something, it's so weird i still panic at the thought of fast food, but actually when it's in front of me, i'm fine with eating it and don't feel too bad afterwards, chocolate is the ONLY thing i still struggle with now, no baby ruths or hershy's for me! My mum was so good to me though, she always asked where i wanted to go and always made sure i was comfortable with the menu, but I ate well on holiday, and chose dishes in resturaunts that i WANTED and didn't even consider the calorie/fat amount in them. The best thing i had was this baked chicken covered in tomato cream sauce and tonnes of sharp cheddar on top of lemon risotto - not for the calorie concious AT ALL but worth it :)
I don't see myself as too thin anymore, but apparently everyone else does, i was suprised that in america i actually saw none of those stick thin girls in LA or anywhere, i didn't see many HUGE people either, i think my mind might have been ready for the sterotype! A lot of people commented on how scrawny i was, so i guess my mind still must be playing tricks on me.
I have learned so much about myself and my family on this trip, and i have again realised that food is important for life and enjoyment, you should take care of yourself and your body, but when the obsession with breakfast,lunch and dinner, chocolate and snacks seem to take over your life and your mind, you know you need to change, and start living again
long live the U.S.A! xxxx

Did my Laptop make me Anorexic?

This is a strange question i have been asking myself for a very long time...but i seriously think maybe if it didn't cause my problem, it definatly sped up the process!
I got my laptop on my 16th birthday, and was addicted from the beginning! I loved the fact i had access to the whole world on my own little device in my own room, :D i also got the sims 3 game with it and got stupidly addicted for a few weeks (yes a bit sad i know lol) but during that time i ate without thinking (the way you do in front of the TV) And was always snacking on birthday chocolates, and soon became quite unhappy with my weight - i wasn't fat, no way near actually, just not rock chick, kate moss, gorgeous sexy thin.
I innocently started researching how to loose a bit of weight, healthy lunch ideas, good excercise tips etc, which was helpful! But then i realised i could get the calorie count for practically EVEYTHING on the internet, and started to become a bit obsessive about my intake.
I would look a models, cakes, chocolate and pizza on google images - you know theres something wrong when your flicking through the 'food porn' page for hours, basically if your looking at stuff that even you know is a bit odd to look at then you know theres a problem!
Now i would be sceptical about the internet 'making me worse' but i went away to scotland for 2 weeks without ANY internet access, and honestly, i ate like a normal person again....no fear or worries (i mean i had a few moments) but just eating a good, normal amount when i was hungry and the occasional treat was fine by me! But as soon as i go my internet back again i got obsessive again :-/ maybe all his technology isn't so good for us after all?
If you have any comments or views on the subject just post in the box below :) x

Olive Oil...

- Olive oil is one of the most beneficial dietary fats one can consume. It's a monounsaturated "heart-healthy" fat and can actually reduce cholesterol levels in your body.

- Light olive oil should be used when a very subtle flavour is sought; the "light" refers to colour and taste, not fat. Extra-virgin oil enriches the taste of meat, fish and vegetables. Pure olive oil is best for salad dressings, sauteed vegetables or tossed pasta.

- A new study conducted by researchers from Northwestern University and the Monell Chemical Senses Center has found that a naturally occurring compound found in extra virgin olive oil beneficially alters the structure of neurotoxic proteins believed to contribute to the debilitating effects of Alzheimer's.

-Olive oil has been reported to reduce the risks of certain cancers including skin, breast, ovarian, colon and prostate due to the monounsaturated fatty acid, oleic acid.

-Olive oil can be used to heal dry skin and its antioxidant properties have been reported to fight the signs of age.

Diet Drinks Experiment

I used to use coke zero and fanta zero to make myself feel 'full' and try to trick my body into not feeling hungry, eventhough they made me feel and look veeeery bloated! But their worse for you than you think...
They contain aspartame, which is a sweetener that has had a lot of controversy about it, some say it can even cause cancer! All i know is that it gave me bad headaches and sometimes if i had too much i really felt like i had the flu or something! And apparently, the sweeteners in these drinks can cause you to crave sugar even more :-/ I mean, it's okay to have one every so often, but i mean i was having one or two everyday, which isn't exactly reccomended!
They also contain a lot of chemicals, (how do you think they make 0 calories taste so good?!) which can damage your bones and teeth by making them brittle, which is thevery LAST thing you need when your suffering from anorexia!!
I did a little experiment, and cut out diet coke all together for 2 weeks so far, and honestly my tummy is flatter, A LOT flatter, i feel less groggy, i can feel when by body is properly hungry and so i dont undereat or overeat anymore! And i haven't craved anything sugary for ages, so in my opinion, cut out the diet drinks!! It might do you some more good than you think!

Question's Answered...

http://www.bulimia.com/client/client_pages/newsletteredt3.cfm
I found this page recently, and it answered so many of my questions about weight gain after an eating disorder, i think it was very helpful because it made me see what was normal and what wasnt! hope it helps xxxx

Photoshop - It's how they really look perfect.

I am getting a bit sick of reading which celebrity is on which diet and how it make's her feel great, and she excercises for 14 hours a day blah blah blah - when it comes down to it, they have make up and hair assistants on hand almost all the time, get free designer clothes and make-up and don't forget....nearly all their glossy magazine shots are photoshopped. I have to admit, i looked at celebritys and envied their curvy figures and flat stomach's, but i have realised surgery and photoshopping makes a huge difference, if we all had that, we would look just as incredible! Here's an example that shows EXACTLY what i'm talking about!
 < She's gorgeous in the pictureon the left! why change it? because it makes them seem practically perfect and 'better' in some distorted way. I don't blame the media for my anorexia by all means, but it damn well didn't help!

MY CHALLENGE!!

 I admit i didnt just struggle with anorexia, i did binge a few times, and used exercise as a way of dealing with my binges. :-/ so i think with the whole binging history, it can be even more difficult to recover. SOOO i set myself a challenge....i bought a full pack of cadburys roses - yes i mean the big one! So my challenge was to see if i have overcome my restrictive behaviour AND my binging behaviour - hard to measure but how do you think i did?
Okay, good thing no.1 - i opened the box and for the first time in a while felt relaxed around chocolate.
Good thing no.2 - i carefully looked on the back and THOUGHT about it, instead of grabbing them all and shoving them in my mouth.
Good thing no.3 - i chose the one i actually wanted, since i didn't intend to have them all!
Good thing no.4 - chose wisely ;) haha (a big purple one with caramel and a hazelnut cased inside) yum!
Good thing no.5 - i ate 6 WHOLE CHOCOLATES :D felt a bit sick afterwards to be honest aha - but enjoyed my new found freedom all the same :)
Are you ready to take a challenge?.....

Fattest Teen in Britain Turns Anorexic

This story on the mail online made me feel really sad, it goes to show that ED's can affect anyone and everyone...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2000625/Malissa-Joness-gastric-band-op-caused-new-nightmare.html

Calories to be printed on restaurant menus

I saw this article a few weeks back, and not sure how i feel aboutit to be honest :-/ i think in a way its good because it may make people think more about what their eating and help them make healthier choices, but to be honest i dont think they can get every single dish exactly to the calorie content they claim it contains, it can depend on how much sauce the put on, how big a steak is etc, so for one thing, i don't think it will be very accurate...but i personally don't like the idea for me because i am trying very hard to NOT think about calories! these days i try really hard to chose dishes i will enjoy, not just get the smallest salad on the menu!! If you have any thoughts or views on this idea, just write up a quick comment below!! :) xxx heres the link to the article i read >   http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1315302/UK-restaurants-asked-print-calories-menus-combat-unhealthy-eating.html

Favourite Childhood Film?

What's yours? I think mine are, Tarzan, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Aladdin,Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory (old version of course!) The Lion King and Dracula....yeah i was an odd little kid lol.
I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory because it was on T.V the other day, and it made me remember a time when i was fine with eating popcorn when watching a film, just watched and mindlessly munched away!! I loved that i could do that, i know it may never be that way again, but you can always dream!
I realsied how 'safe' watching these films make me feel, they also make me feel kind of sad, because i can remember a happier time, which has sort of passed i guessed, but thats a part of growing up. I think no matter what happens you will soon have worries and troubles, life is so easy when your little. And although i can't go back in time and be that care-free little girl anymore, i can always sit down and escape the world in willy wonka's chocolate factory or inTransylvania with keanu reeves! ;)
Take a day off, turn off your phone and computer and watch your childhood favorite - popcorn optional. Have a good week :) be happy!! xxxxxxxxx

Like mother like daughter?

Okay, so i loooovve my mum, shes lovely, warm, kind...but also a little bit fat :-/ i mean, she loves her biscuits and buttery snacks, i feel HORRIBLE saying this, but i remember looking at her when i was at my highest (pretty damn normal) weight, and thinking, god i hope i dont look like that...ever!
I think it's true that a girl inherits her mothers general body shape, aka - big boobs, pear shape, big bum. And unluckily for me, my mums an apple shape grrr!! But i do A LOT of stomach excercises to try and avoid it, but it does seem to be the place i put weight on :(
But don't fear!! lol, keep in mind that different excercises can make a huge difference...i know my friend feels really self concious about her bum because her mum has a rather large derriere ;) and she told me she didnt want o look the same, 4 weeks worth of squats later, the girl had a butt like j-lo haha!
< destined to have the same body? Lindsay Lohan and her mum
here is an interesting site, considering the connesction between weight, mothers and daughters!...
http://www.webmd.com/skin-beauty/features/the-mother-daughter-weight-connection

Exams!!

Anorexia and other eating disorders can affect people of every age, sex and race...but it seems to mainly be teenage girls that develop it, and during this time most of the are going through exams, such as GCSE's or A levels, and i was just thinking today that i was so annoyed with my first a level results i got from my january exams, i though i would have done better than i actually did, but then it occured to me, maybe it was down to me not eating, i vaguely remember always being tired and un-interested in lessons and never really listening because all i thought about was food....made me so angry with myself, how dare i mess up my own future by not eating! Yet another reason i came up with for striving to recover..
If your reading this, and you too have exams or important work that needs real thought and concerntration to get done, make sure you are giving your body everything it needs to support that! Think oily fish (salmon) and lots and lots and LOTS of water, and just ensure your getting enough calories through out the weeks leading upto your exams - thank me in your nobel prize speech ;) oh and good luck if you do have exams REVISE!! ;) xxxx
< eat well and revise - just like ralph ;)

Julie & Julia - Le Film ;)

So i have just watched the lovely film Julie & Julia, a foodie film based on the ledgendary cook Julia Childs. It is about a woman in her late 20's who feels like she has finised nothing in her life and wants to do something, anything! So she decides to start a blog (yay! :D lol) and aims to do every single recipe in Julia Childs cook book in 365 days, and yes theres about 500-600 recipes!! The film also flips to an earlier time when Julia Child is living the dream in Paris, and learing to cook but also aiming to get her 'french cooking for americans' book published, with the help of her charming husband (the fab gay guy from the devil wears prada)
This was a heart-warming film about how food seems to save people in so many ways, and bring so much fun and spark into their lives...i thought it would be good for all those in recovery to watch because again it sends out that important message that food is safe, and brings people together...it also highlights that an obsession with it can make you a recluse and you have to find the right balance, a passion for food is good, if you want to be a chef in particular...but an obsession is just plain mental haha
Plus it's really funny and light hearted, and has incredible performances by amy adams and meyrl streep :) it's a must see in my eyes!! If you watch it tell me what you think! I love hearing from all of you :) xxxxx

Have a family day out

Have you noticed your relationship with your friends and family getting worse and worse as your eating disorder gets worse? I realised i was shutting everybody out and secluding myself more and more, because having a social life meant having to eat. It's so sad that i chose the wrong option all the time.
Ever since starting recovery i have become so much closer to all the people i love again :) i don't feel tense about having to go to my dads house anymore and now always look forward to it, but before i used to feel genuine fear because he always cooks heavy carb/fat loaded meals, now i have seconds! ;)
I love going on family days out now too :) on sundays i really enjoy going for walks with my funny little brothers and my family then go for a good ol' pub lunch afterwards...i have realised its so much easier to cope with recovery when you realise what actually important in life and you try to enjoy all the normal activitys that all your family do with ease, such as eating well!!
Maybe try suggesting a nice day out to a nice village, or shopping centre or even the beach! (not if you live where i live though, too cold lol)
Give it a go, it might give you that realisation it gave me, and bring you and your family back together :) xxxx

Peppermint Tea :)

Don't know about you, but i have struggled with bloating for a loooong time haha, i never used to have it, but when i started eating low fat EVERYTHING, i looked really bloated all the time.
Ever since i have started eating fats again, my stomach has actually looked a lot flatter, blooming irony haha, but i still eat a ton of fruit and vegetables because eventhough i want to gain, i want to be healthy and get my 5 a day too! but eating lots of thesefoods can also make you look and feel very bloated, but worry not, i have found the answer!!
good ol' peppermint tea :) it settles the stomach and helps with bloating, hope this helps some other poor puffy stomach out there! haha have a lovely week everyone xxx

Seeing everything with new eyes...

Ever since January my relationship with food has been good. Good for a recovering anorexic anyway :-/ I feel like i have gone through 3 stages in my life with food, the first was i just eat what i want, when i want without thinking about it, the second was don't eat anything. It will make you fat, but now i think i have developed the best relationship with food than i have ever had, now i eat well, nothings 'off limits' but don't binge eat either, i eat when i'm hungry and eat what i'm given, but more importantly, i enjoy food now and appriciate it, because i know what it's like to deprive myself of it.
I always said to myself, 'I wish i could just go back to how i was before, when i just didn't care.' I still feel like that occasionally, because sometimes i do struggle when faced with an extremly high calorie dish, but actually i didn't enjoy food that much before, i just ate it because it was there, now i feel happier with who i am and my approach to everything.
It's just like that saying, things have to get worse before they get better, anorexia being my worst possible low, and recovery being the ultimate high!

Another DELICIOUS breakfast idea!! :D

My mum came back from ASDA with some special K sustain cereal, because she said the other ones were out of stock, but turns out its gorgeous!! 1g of fat per 45g serving which isn't enough for me anymore! so i mixed it with natural yogurt, flaked almonds and a little natural honey...honestly had a mouthgasm lol!! really worth trying, remember you need to start seeing food as enjoyable again!! Its so much easier to make a good relationship with food again when you really enjoy it!!! (might try with some chopped banana next time too?? mmmm yumm!!!)
< my new favourite haha

Go Sushi!!

I had sushi for lunch yesterday :) NOM!! lol...i had about 10 pieces or so overall and was STUFFED. It gave me an idea for todays post!! It was the first time in a while where i felt like i hadn't eaten much but got full quickly!
Sushi is a grrreeat healthy option, especially the ones topped with a slice of salmon or prawn, yum yum! hey the soy sauce has a lot of sodium but what the hell its yummy!
I think sushi is a great option if you want to try new foods, but can't face huge mac'n'cheese type meals yet...it's a groovy way to ease yourself in and might kindle your relationship with food back again! have fun, and don't listen to your mother PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD!! (especially if you can't use chopsticks ;) lol)

Books

Ever since i was little,i have always loved reading and writing, reading a book is amazing to me, it means you can escape from the rest of the world and ignore any problems you may have been having that day and just discover a new way of thinking. I love that, when you finish a book and then feel like you have learned something from it :) heres some of my favourites...
The Messenger - Markus Zusak, funny fast paced thriller about a guy unlucky in love and life, turns out anyone can make a difference.
Play Dead - Harlan Coben, another thriller!! about gorgeous supermodel who's husband goes missing, but so much more than that reeeaally going on!! :)

ahhh Harry Potter books!! by J. K. Rowling :) what better way to escape the world than by taking a visit to hogwarts?

Girls Under Pressue - Jacqueline Wilson , classic (for me lol) about ellie, who feels too fat so starts dieting like crazy and you follow her real and disruptive journey, but dont worry has a happy ending!!

Comfort Foods?

Heyy :) i realised something funny today, i never panic about having pudding at college? Everytime dessert is mentioned at home, calorie counting goes TING in my head, but at college i'm like, 'awrh come ooon, that's a tiny slice!!' hehe ;) i think because i have NO IDEA how many calories are in them, they brighten up my looong days at college, and their flipping delicious!! lol i don't struggle eating them? It made me think that maybe we all have foods that aren't low in fat or calories, but we find them easier to eat than others? For example, i still hate eating chocolate, really aggrivates me :/ working on that!! My advice is eat what you like, then you will find it easier, and won't regret it!
If you do have a certain food that isn't low calorie that you feel comfortable eating, maybe try and eat more of that food? might ease you in :) my comfort foods that i just DON'T CARE what the calorie content are...

School Puddings! lol
Stir frys - (peanuts are a good addition for texture, flavour and GOOD fats)
Beef Stew - mum makes the BEST ONE EVER lol
Greek food - such as chicken soulvlaki, greek salad, pita bread, tzatziki etc xxx

Vitamin Supplements

I take a multi vitamin everyday, and i also take iron tablets because my iron count is low down to how much ideprived myself before :-/ but it's going up :D lol
anyway, my post today is about taking vitamin supplements, yes i think it's a good idea, and it's wonderful for helping you with your recovery becauseyour body really really needs all those nutrients! However, to actually absorb all these vitamins you must must MUST eat a varied diet. And also one with good amounts of calories and fats in it, otherwise the vitamins simply won't be absorbed and won't make a difference i'm afraid :(
I have noticed my skin and hair has drastically improved, i think it's down to eating right and well, plus taking my good ol' multivitamin everyday!! lol have a lovely weekend everyone :) hopefully it's sunnier where you are than where i am...sigh have to get my vitamin D from a pill and not the sun :( xxxx

Always feeling Angry...(poem)

I first felt angry because i felt too fat.
I felt angry because i felt i couldn't lose weight.
I felt angry because i couldn't resist.
Then, I felt angry because i never ate.

I felt angry because no one understood.
I felt angry because no matter how little i ate i never looked or felt any good.

I felt angry because i looked too thin, couldn't fit into clothes...
couldn't let anyone in.

I felt angry all the time.
Then i ate...then i felt fine.

Random short poem i made, i realised today that i was so angry because no matter what, with anoreixa i never actually achieved anything worth achieving. Once you have lost all the weight, whats left? Nothing. That's the scary thing...

Life's too short...

I was thinking today how crazy it is to concerntrate on food sooo much? I have my A level exams coming up, and i was sitting there in the lesson thinking about lunch, i mean honestly i have wasted most of this past year just thinking about food, when it comes down to it, theres sooo much more to life, food is just meant to be the fuel that keeps us going. Yes i understand that having a job such as a chef would make you think about food more than the average person...but i'm not a chef!! lol From now on i promised myself i am going to throw myself into mywork (very behind :-/ ) and just get on with it, although food is your friend, not the enemy, it's not human either and shouldn't take up so much brain space! Think about that gorgeous boy that lives down the street or your favorite program! I don't know if anyone thinks about food as much as i do, but i'm trying to stop now...life's just too short!!

Your Amazing, and this is why!

The fact that you have even considered to look at this blog is one thing, even CONSIDERING recovery makes you incredibly strong. The only way to describe it is like snow white trying to defeat the hulk...i think recovering from and eating disorder is harder than people think, some say 'why don't you just eat.' That's ridiculous. These disorders are about the mind and (in my opinion) conquering your own mind is quite possibly one of the hardest things imaginable.
But possible.
You can recover from this, but you need to want to with everything you've got. Your amazing for taking this on, and i hope each and every one of you beat your deamons ass and find happiness again :)

                                                        

xxxx

Look it's you!! Not that your square or anything.....(bad joke sorry, couldn't resist lol)

How many Calories do you need?

I was so confused when it came to how many calories i was meant to be consuming per day, kept hearing so many different things! To be honest i still struggle to fully understand it all lol but this calculator i found on the internet and it seems to be the most accurate, i have been told things from 1,600 to 2,770 calories!! lol
http://walking.about.com/cs/calories/l/blcalcalc.htm
heres the link to the calculator i used, i got 1,770 to maintain, so i try to eat around 2,000 everyday to make sure i gain...hope this helps you get a better idea of how much you need!! xxx

Stop thinking about it...

At the start of recovery, i was told to keep a food diary and write down everything i ate and how it made me 'feel' doctors also told me to not concerntrate on food...contredictive maybe?!! lol so i did the food diary, but it drove me bonkers!! i think if you have any chance of recovering you need to not put so much emphasis on what you eat etc...i'm now at the stage where i can actually eat something and wait for it....forget i've eaten it :-O i haven't done that in a very, very, VERY long time lol
I have also figured out a way to handle high fat/calorie meals...for example yesterday for lunch my stepmum made heaps of pasta with a chicken and mushroom sauce made with extra thick double cream, when i saw that ad to say i panicked a bit...but you need to take it one step at a time. So had the plate in front of me, started eating, and it tasted good, then the grated cheese was passed around and i added some, i ended up having more cheese than everyone else AND ate some of my dads pasta :) step by step does the trick, and NEVER EVER FEEL GUILTY FOR EATING. your body deserves it now, it's been deprived for too long!! xxxx

Gain Muscle...not Fat

Gaining weight is the scariest thing possible for someone recovering from anorexia, it feels utterly unnatural, which is why it's better to gain muscle and not fat because then you will look, and feel better about gaining...and muscle weighs more than fat, so actually yourweight will be higher without you looking as big. Good foods to build muscle are, nuts and meat, this is because they contain protein which is essential for muscle gain. If your really struggling, the you could always pick up a muscle building powder that you can add to your porridge, milk or smoothies.
Annoyingly, building muscle can be hard work, and you need to dedicate yourself to excercising your muscles, but remember, if your excercising and trying to GAIN at the same time, you must eat more to make it mean anything. you must also avoid cardio excercises such as running and cycling, because they just burn fat and make you loose weight.
I must say i'm not too dedicated which is why its very frustrating when i eat LOADS but look like i'm actually losing weight but it's actually because i'm losing muscle that i made last week...need to start working out again hahaha
good luck everyone!! get those muscles pumping xxxx

Family xxx

I'm going away for a few days to visit the ol' family!! I haven't seen them in ages and i suddenly feel very nervous at the thought of them seeing me? Just because i have lost so much weight since they last saw me i dont want them too look at me in disgust and worry :-/ thats when you know you've gone too far...when people look at you with a look of disgust....although i've gained weight i'm still really thin and look a bit too gaunt.
I think you need to recover for yourself and for no one else, because in the end the only  thing that will get you through it is that you care enough about yourself to get better. But along the way i have realsied getting better and healthier also relaxes and puts my entire family at ease, i'm doing this for me, but the fact that i am stopping my family worrying at the same time is just another thing keeping me going :) anorexia is an isolated, selfish disorder...it's only once you start to break out of it you realise that xxx

Letting Go...

I have learned one of the things i must overcome to beat anorxia once and for all, i need to not be in control. It's been pretty hard these past few days to be honest because i have had to make my own breakfasts and lunches, (god i sound pathetic lol) but that amount of control is too much for someone in recovery...it meant my mind is thinking about food ALL THE TIME, what shouldi have for lunch? what has too many/little calories? what time am i having dinner? it's driving me insane...i still find it very hard to allow myself to go out without having eaten lunch i have made myself, because it means i'm either forced to get something when i'm out or nothing at all (which is NOT an option) and it's hard to find anything that isn't covered in grease or loaded with salt and fat. But i need to learn to let go...control is one of the things that really pins down my ED...and i just hate having it now, because i can't handle the control. My dad made me a B.L.T the other week, heavy with the bacon, mayo, and butter :-/ i almost exploded watching him make it, but i ate it and you know what...i'm still alive lol

< ok this isnt my dad lol but proves my point of someone else cooking!

Moral of this muddled post is, learn to let go and allow parents/friends/macdonalds guy to make you meals, it's one of the biggest hardest steps to make, but if your going to recover, your going to have to not be in control anymore.

Low Fat Food Facts

I swore by low fat yogurts, cheese and cakes if i ever allowed myself to eat them. But actually i have recently discovered eating these lower fat versions are much worse for you overall than the full fat kinds.
For one thing, they don't make you feel as full, so your inclined to eat more later, and you also allow yourself to eat more later because you think 'i'ts okay, the yogurt i ate before was low fat'
Another downside to low fat products is that things like yogurt and cakes replace the fat with heaps of sugar, which in the end converts itself into bad fats.

One of the most suprising things i found out though, was that high calorie, low fat diets make you look very bloated, and for a recovering anorexic this is lethal...you think your getting fat eventhough your eating low fat foods, which therefore makes you even more afraid of higher fat products and makes you avoid them even more...vicious cycle.

However, lean cuts of meat etc are often much better for you, but that just common sense!! lol

I also believe i appriciate what i'm eating more when it is full fat, because i ay more attention to it if you know what i mean? lol And lets face it, the full fat versions just taste better!!
But the most important thing about buying full fat and not lower fat versions for someone recovering from an eating disorder is that your making a concious step towards recovering, and with every full-fat bite, your kicking your ED's ass xxx

Emotional Eating Kit?

So i came across this product in my local holland and barrett,
 < it's Bach's emotional eating kit, and claims to stop cravings and make you have a better emotional outlook on food, and eating using herbal remedys and all natural products.... Sounds perfect right?!Question is does it actually work?...
So i tried it after i ate dinner, i had the Cherry Plum one which your meant to have when 'you fear your going to lose control' i dropped a few drops on my tounge, tasted quite nice!! and i can honestly say i think it worked, probably placebo because i'm stupidly gullible :p, the kit also contains chestnut bud and crab apple. The kit costs around £9.99
Overall i dont believe this product actually works, but tastes pleasant and will work if you believe it haha

Bulimia - The Harsh Reality

As i mentioned in my last post, bulimia is just one type of eating disorder. I wouldn't have personally classed myself as a bulimic before, but admittedly have binged and purged before, but it wasn't very often. I think i sufferered from anorexia much more. Anyway enough about me!! This is about the serious effects of bulimia, i have seen some videos on youtube which can only be described as horrific and shocking.

                                                                                  

Just some of the dangers of bulimia are, irregular heart beat, stomach rupture, stomach ulsters, dehydration and low potassium levels. Here are so links you may find helpful and interesting...
http://www.mirror-mirror.org/dangers-of-bulimia.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKld9ce76V0
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eating_disorder_self_help.htm

Buffets...make or break time.

As well all know, anorexia is not the only ED out there, there is also bulimia, and crosses between the two etc. Recovery for all types of eating disorders are difficult but for different reasons. Buffets for example, would be the ultimate challenge for a bulimic in recovery, the thing about many people with eating disorders, is they actually LOVE food, they just hate what it does to them, bulimics feel this the most. They eat and eat and eat and then purge it all up. This in my opinion is one of the most brutal eating disorders, and can be very hard to stop re-lapsing. but it's possible, trust me ;)
 < so many calories so little time...

Now when faced with a buffet it's hard because your expected to eat tonnes, i personally disagree with the whole idea of buffetts, but anyhoo the best thing to do is not get excited and drawn in by the food in front of you, like a wasp to honey!! because then you will get the 'clouded mind' thing where you just eat crazy amounts because it's there.
Try and eat something beforehand so your not starving when you get there, i know it sounds like extra calories surely but actually you will think more clearly and make better descisions if you have a decent breakfast or lunch beforehand.
Now, lets use a chinese buffett as an example, the best thing to do is....
skip all things like prawn crackers and starter stuff, they are packed with calories and you can just keep eating and eating them, they will surely make you feel guilty after wards :-/
go straight to main course and CHOOSE WHAT YOU WANT if you eat something you dont want you will get annoyed and end up eating the thing you wanted in the first place lol....just have half a plate of it then take your time eating it.
I say half a plate, so that you can go back (therefore look normal!!) and get the other half, maybe try a different food or get the same thing.
Also drink lots of water, sometimes your just thirsty when you think your hungry!!
IMPORTANT PART : (eventually hehe) if you feel like purging after this consider the incredible damage your doing to your body...but thats another post for another day...
hope these tips help!! sorry for the looooooooong post but feel this topic is important xxx

Supersize vs Superskinny

I am a big fan of channel 4, and all it's other channels like E4 :) one show i really like is supersize vs superskinny, the new series has started and is on every tuesday on channel 4 at 8:00pm.
as you can see from this picture, and can probably tell from the title, the show is about a big diet swap between one supersized person and one superskinny person. This show would be good to watch if your in recovery because it can make you see that you need to get the right balance between overindulging, and eating practically nothing!! There is always parts during the show where they look at what undereating and overeating is doing to your body, and how much it is damaging it...very interesting and worth taking a look at!!
Have a lovely week everyone xxx

Fear of Butter?...

This stuff used to strike fear into me like you couldn't believe! not sure which was worse, people drowning things in mayo or spreading the butter really thick. i thought pointless fat and calories!! but when your recovering these foods are a godsend for two main reasons...1. they help you gain and makes you satisfied and 2.eating them and enjoying and allowing yourself to eat it means one step closer to being normal :)

Cravings!!

I read a lot about food and nutrition when i was dieting to the extreme, (irony i know) and one thing i remember reading is that if you don't eat enough, or don't allow yourself certain foods, you start to crave it. I thought, HA i can go without chocolate for weeks on end, but actually i did crave it...i thought about chocolate, fudge, cake, biscuits and junk ALL THE TIME. Thats one of the disturbing things about eating disorders, you lose yourself and your personality because all you think about is food. I used to actually go on websites and just look at the delicious high calorie foods i wouldn't allow myself to eat, clearly not normal behaviour!!
Ever since i have been in recovery, i have eaten 3 big meals with good fats in everyday, and i can honestly say don't crave junk or chocolate at all anymore. (i'm usually too full to think of food!! lol) but the nicest thing is, that now i will allow myself to eat anything, i don't crave it like a madwoman all the time! If i want dessert after dinner, i will have it, and if i don't then i won't simples!! :) i never believed that not eating enough could affect your way of thinking so much, but it's incredible!! I really have felt a big difference now that i eat normally. I would encourage all who want to recover to start the day with a satisfying bowl of cereal such as shredded wheat or alpen museli, a not too scary lunch could be baked potato with whatever topping you feel comfortable with (i like tuna and sweetcorn or baked beans) then snack on fruit or yogurt, have a nice dinner you feel comfortable eating and see how you feel :)
It will be the start of a new, healthy beginning :) ...minus the baked beans i guess lol

Inspirational Celebrities...

Alanis Morissette

Canadian singer Alanis Morissette has admitted that she struggled with anorexia and bulimia between the ages of 14 and 18, but is now recovered.
"I work out about two times a week instead of nine," she said. "I'm still a part of society, but I'm better able to challenge it than when I was 14."

Felicity Huffman

Actress Felicity Huffman fought anorexia and bulimia throughout her teens and into her early twenties. She sought help with the support of her family at age 22.

Geri Halliwell

I can honestly tell you from personal experience, that worrying about an eating disorder really can get you down. There's nothing to be ashamed about. You'll be amazed at the difference it'll make to your whole life if you tell someone you trust. There are lots of people who want to help and you really CAN'T fight this one on your own. It might be a hard decision to make, to tell people and to seek help but, trust me it's nowhere as hard as trying to deal with it on your own,"

Nutritious Nuts!!

They were my ultimate fear food, but they are known as nutritional powerhouses for a reason, not only are they a good source of HEALTHY fats, they are a great source of protein, which is essential if you're trying to gain weight the right way...
 The best way to add them to your diet without it being too 'scary' is adding some flaked almonds to your cereal or on top of yogurt. (My favourites are almonds and salted cashews :)

Don't be afraid of Pudding

Cake, crumble, pies, ice cream. Not exactly the most nutritional and healthy foods, but that dosen't mean we should never EVER eat them. I used to never allow myself chocolate, cake sweets or any form of dessert (maybe an apple if i was lucky) but now i realise if i need to ensure i'm gaining weight, a pudding is bliss!! A delicious way to keep me on track, here are some of my favourites that i think are worth every single calorie :)

Gu melting puds-Best Supermarket bought puds!!


Apple Crumble with vanilla custard- my favourite school dinner pudding :) love a sprinkle of cinnamon on top


Baklava - it's a wonderful traditional turkish dessert made with filo pastry, honey, nuts and more honey!!


Strawberry Cheesecake-Classc and sooo guurrd


and my ultimate favourite.....

STICKY TOFFEE PUDDING :) - with ice cream obviousily!!


so every once in a while let yourself have a dessert, prehaps at a restaurant? Or whenever you really feel like you deserve one ;) and never EVER feel guilty, your worth every sweet toothed second xxx